How Can I Love You?
by jessica-bones-winchester
Summary: Falling for one Winchester is complicated enough. Falling for two is impossible, even if it's not at the same time. John/OFC with eventual Dean/OFC.
1. Chapter 1

John tried to pull her from the house, but she fought against him. Tears streamed down her face as she tried to get to her mother's body.

"Let me go. I can still help them."

Her father lay lifeless just a few feet further.

"They're gone, sweetheart, and you'll be in trouble if we don't get you out of here."

From behind, he grabbed her chin and turned her face to the third dead body. It looked just like her.

"That thing has been living here as you for two weeks. It killed your parents, and everyone will think it was you if you stay here."

"Not if that body is here, too."

"Wrong. No one will ever look at you without suspicion. They'll think you were involved. You have to leave. Now."

"I can't," she cried.

"You have to. Come on."

He picked her up and ran with her as she fought against him, sobbing all the way to his truck. Once he got her inside she stopped fighting. Her hands covered her face as she cried.

John drove a couple dozen miles before he tried to get her to talk.

"What's your name, sweetheart?"

She didn't answer. The sound of her sobs filled the truck.

"Come on, darlin'. I want to help you. Tell me your name."

She wiped at her eyes. "Jenna."

"Jenna, I'm John. You're gonna have to lay low for a while. Is there someone you can call?"

Jenna shook her head. "My parents were all I had."

John blew out a breath. He would have to figure something out.

"I don't understand what happened back there," Jenna said through a few remaining tears. "Who was that?"

"Not who. What. You're going to think I'm nuts, but that was a shape shifter."

He glanced over at Jenna, and she just stared back at him.

"It's a creature that can take on the form of anyone. When it does, it has all your thoughts and memories, and it can take your place without anyone noticing. I had been tracking it. That's how I know how long it was at your parents' house."

"But it's dead. Why did I have to leave?"

"These things are good at setting you up. They kill, and they make sure it looks like you did it. Cameras, neighbors, you name it. They all saw you, and they'll suspect you even though that body looks just like you, because they won't be able to explain that. What they can explain is you killing your parents and trying to convince people that you're innocent with some insane story."

Jenna thought about that. "How do you know about this stuff?"

John took a breath. "I had something happen to me twenty years ago... I learned a lot after that. Horrible things exist in this world."

"You said you were tracking that thing that looked like me?"

"The shape shifter, yes."

"Why?"

"So I could kill it, but I wasn't a hundred percent sure it was a shifter. I couldn't risk killing a person. I figured it out too late."

John felt the familiar sting of guilt. He was too late to save this girl's parents. Any longer and she might be dead, too. Or in prison for murder.

Jenna stared at the dark road ahead of them.

"Where are you taking me?"

"We have to get far away from that place. I was going to take you to someone you could trust, but... You can ride along with me for a while, until you figure out your next step. But your old life is gone. Everyone will think you're dead."

"So, where are we going?"

"I'll drive a while, then we'll find a motel. When was the last time you ate?"

"I'm not hungry," she said as she looked out of her window.

"That's not what I asked."

She let out a sigh. "A couple of hours before I got on the plane to come here."

"So, this morning?"

"Yeah."

"We'll grab some food."

"I'm not hungry."

John shook his head. "You're as stubborn as my boys."

Jenna looked at him. "You have kids?"

"Two boys," he said.

"Where are they while you're out killing monsters?"

"My youngest, Sam, is in college."

"Wow, I'm sorry. The way you called them boys... I assumed they were young."

"No, I suspect they're about your age."

"Twenty-five," she said.

"Yeah, you're right between them. They're men now, but they'll always be my boys."

Jenna stared out of her window again. The two of them stayed silent for a long time as John drove an empty stretch of two-lane highway.

"I won't get to go to my parents' funerals," she whispered.

"At least they'll get to have one, and the people that loved them will be there."

"All friends," she said. "No family." Jenna wiped tears from her eyes. "Will we be stopping soon? I'm feeling trapped in this truck."

John glanced at her. He could see the adrenaline of the night was fading, and her eyes looked heavy with sadness and fatigue.

"Just a few more towns over."

Jenna leaned her head against the window.

Alternating hands on the wheel, John shrugged out of his jacket and passed it to her.

"Here. You can use that as a pillow."

Jenna stared at him a moment.

"Thank you."

She adjusted herself against the door, placing the bulk of the jacket in the crook of her neck, with a sleeve folded between her head and the window.

"You're not one for words of comfort, are you?"

"You just lost people you love in a horrible way," John said. "There are no words of comfort."

A few minutes later John glanced over at Jenna. She was asleep. The last road sign said there was a motel in ten miles. He would stop there for the night. Jenna didn't deserve to sleep sitting up in a truck after what she had just been through.

He parked the truck and pulled his duffle from the floor at Jenna's feet as he got out. He noticed the chill in the air, and remembered that Jenna had only been wearing a light t-shirt when he dragged her out of the house. The shifter had ripped her sweater off of her as Jenna fought back. He pulled the duffle onto his shoulder and carefully opened the passenger door. Jenna fell forward a little, but caught herself as she woke up. Her eyes searched her surroundings before they landed on John, and she leaned her head back against the seat.

"Where are we?"

"Motel."

Jenna climbed out of the truck and handed John his jacket. He took it, but draped it over her shoulders.

"It's a little cool out here," he said.

"Thanks."

Inside the office, John rang the service bell.

"Two rooms," he said as the manager came out.

"Sorry. Only have one room left."

"Two beds?"

"Two beds."

John looked at Jenna. "Is that okay with you, or do you want another motel?"

"It's fine. I'm so tired."

John nodded at the manager and put a credit card on the counter.


	2. Chapter 2

Jenna followed John into the room.

"I'll take the bed closest to the door," John said.

Jenna sat on the other bed and put her head in her hands.

"Why don't you shower?"

A short laugh escaped Jenna's lips before a tear slid down her cheek.

"I don't have clothes to change into. Everything is back at the house in my suitcases."

"I have a few extra things, toothbrush and stuff like that, in my truck. I'll get it for you. We can get whatever else you need tomorrow." He dug in his duffle and pulled out some clothes. "You can wear this for tonight."

Jenna took the offered clothes and stood. "Thank you." She pulled his jacket from her shoulders and passed it back to him, then went into the bathroom.

She made the water as hot as she could take it, and stayed for longer than she intended. Her tears mixed with the shower stream until she just stopped crying, and a numbness filled her.

The clothes John gave her were big on her. The sweatpants thankfully had a drawstring, and she rolled the legs up a bit to avoid walking on them.

She wiped the steam from the mirror and stared at her reflection. The woman looking back at her was unfamiliar. Tired, bloodshot eyes. She didn't even have the strength to dry her hair. She wanted to cry again, but the tears wouldn't come.

John was at the small table looking through newspapers with a pen in his hand. He looked up when Jenna came out of the bathroom.

"Still tired?"

Jenna nodded as she placed her folded clothes on the dresser, then climbed into bed. John got up and turned off the lamp between the beds and the light in the bathroom.

"You don't have to do that if you're working on something," she said.

"It's okay. I can work with the table lamp... and you need sleep."

Jenna lay on her side and watched John while he worked, until her eyelids were too heavy to keep open. Flashes of her parents haunted her sleep. She woke with a start, and sat up.

"You okay?"

John was still at the table under the light of his small lamp.

"Bad dream, I guess," she said.

"Yeah... you might have those for a while."

She almost asked for just a touch of sympathy, but when she looked into his eyes, that was what she saw. He looked sad, like he understood. That was when she noticed him thumbing the gold band on his finger.

"The bad thing that happened to you," she said, "was it your wife?"

He followed her eye line to his hand, and he stopped fidgeting.

"Yes."

At his one-word response, she dropped the subject. She glanced at the clock and saw that it was three in the morning.

"When do you sleep?"

"I don't much anymore. But you should go back to sleep."

"I kind of don't want to... The dream."

John nodded. Jenna saw that he understood. His had been a different kind of loss, but he understood.

"What are you working on?"

Jenna got out of bed and joined him at the table.

"Nothing you should worry about."

Jenna flinched. "Sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"No, I didn't mean it that way."

"I get it if it's personal."

"It's very personal."

Jenna nodded and stood to walk away, but she stopped when John spoke again.

"But that's not why I don't want to tell you about it."

"Then, why?"

"You still have a shot at a normal life."

Jenna scoffed. "Do I? I'm dead, remember?"

"Yeah, but a new identity can change that."

"That's not normal. That's not my life."

"More normal than the life I live."

Jenna stared at the newspaper clippings and John's scribbled notes, and sat back down.

"You're going after something, aren't you?"

He hesitated, but admitted that he was.

"What is it?"

John shook his head.

"What?" Jenna asked.

"I don't want to drag you into this life."

"A shape shifter took my identity and killed my parents. I'm already in it. There's no going back for me. Look, you saved my life. Something I haven't thanked you for yet, by the way. So, thank you."

John grinned, so Jenna kept going.

"The least I could do is help you."

"I don't think so."

"Okay, then let me just be a friendly ear. A sounding board."

John shook his head.

"John... I've got nowhere to go. I can't even begin to think about my next step after all of this. Listening to you and what you're trying to do... It will give me a focus."

John tapped his pen on the table.

"Please? I need the distraction."

"Once you're in this life, it's hard to get out. Even if you want to."

"I understand."

"No, you don't."

Jenna couldn't hold his gaze. He seemed to be judging her state of mind, staring deep into her eyes. She had to look away.

"It's the the thing that killed my wife," he said.

Jenna looked back into his eyes as he spoke.

"It's a demon. A nasty one. I've been tracking omens, signs that point to demonic activity."

"And you found it?"

"Not yet. But demon activity has been picking up lately. More than I've seen in the last twenty years. Something's happening."

"What?"

"I'm not sure."

Jenna pulled her bottom lip between her teeth.

"What... I mean, will you tell me what happened? To your wife?"

John looked away and ran a hand over his mouth. He stared at the pen in his hand as he began playing with it.

"I fell asleep watching television..."

Jenna listened intently as he spoke. She didn't want to interrupt. He barely looked at her as he told her what happened. The blood, the fire, losing the love of his life and the mother of his children. Jenna's loss was still so fresh that hearing John speak of his wife's death, as if it had just happened, brought tears to her eyes again.

"I'm so sorry, John."

"Going after these things... you think it will help with the pain, but it doesn't. If anything, it keeps it alive. So, I'm going to tell you again... You don't want this life."

Jenna nodded. Her teeth troubled her bottom lip as she considered everything John told her.

"I dare say that no one wants this life. But knowing what I know now, how can I not help you? You saved my life, John. What's that old thing about saving someone's life and how it makes you responsible for them?"

"I don't think I like where this is going."

"You're responsible for me, John. I've got nothing. Legally, I don't even have a name anymore, because Jenna Turner is dead."

He played with his pen again.

"And I just realized I'm putting all of my faith in a man whose last name I don't even know."

"Winchester."

"Well, John Winchester, you saved my life. Are you going to toss me out? Or are you going to let me help you?"


	3. Chapter 3

John's condition for Jenna staying with him was that she would never go near an actual hunt. She could help him research and plan, but she would stay behind when he went after anything. She agreed.

"I didn't save your life for you to risk it going after monsters," he said.

"I understand."

John took Jenna shopping for a couple of outfits and supplies that she would need. While they were out, he called Dean.

"I got the shifter," he said, "but something's come up, so I'll be a little longer."

"Anything I can help with?" Dean asked.

"No, but I do have a job for you. I was looking through the papers, and I found something that looks like a haunting in Maine. You still up north?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Check the Maine papers. You'll see it."

"Yes, sir."

"Call me if you get into trouble."

"I will."

Jenna sat transfixed as John showed her entries in his journal. He had notes on different monsters he had hunted, drawings, and photos taped inside. He didn't let her flip through it on her own. Once she tried to turn a page and he took it back from her. She figured he must have personal entries, too, so she didn't do it again.

He had her chair pulled next to his at the table in their room. They were looking through newspapers for something close by. John was also keeping an eye out for demonic signs.

They went on like that for a week. Looking for anything weird, and John teaching her the basics of what he knew. She started looking at him with a sense of awe. How many people had he saved before her? How many evil creatures had he gotten rid of?

One day she caught herself staring at him. He was hunched over that table, same as always, with the tip of his pen between his teeth. For the briefest moment, she felt warm. Her eyes lingered on the curve of his neck, and it took all of her concentration to make herself look away.

John spent the better part of each night wishing Jenna was still using his baggy shirt and sweatpants as pajamas. What she had bought hugged her frame and drew his attention in ways that it shouldn't. He was twice her age. She was younger than his son. He knew he shouldn't let his mind wander to the things it did, but then she would bite her lip while she was thinking, or reading the paper, and he couldn't stop his imagination.

John eventually left her to go on a hunt. It was just a couple of towns over, so she stayed at the motel.

He came back late the next night and told her to pack.

"We have to leave."

"Why?"

"I had a slight run in with the cops. I pretended to be a federal officer, and they may get suspicious."

"Shit."

Jenna packed and did a quick inventory of the room to make sure nothing was left behind. They were on the road in ten minutes.

She unfolded a newspaper. "I may have found something for you in Nebraska."

"What is it?"

"Two men have gone missing in one week. Police can't find a connection."

"Could be something. Dean called yesterday and said he was taking a couple of days in Iowa. I'll see if he wants to help out."

He called Dean and made the arrangements to meet up. Jenna listened to the conversation until he ended the call.

"You haven't told Dean about me, have you?"

"No, I guess it hasn't come up."

"No, I guess the fact that you took in someone you saved won't come up in a natural flow of conversation. It's something you'll have to deliberately discuss."

"Look, there are things I don't tell my boys. Just like there will be things I don't tell you. I have my reasons."

"Well, what will Dean say when he sees you drive up with me?"

"He won't. You'll be in a motel a few towns over."

"John-"

"I'll tell him about you eventually. But we're still figuring out how to work together. You still need to decide if this is what you want permenantly."

"Are you still trying to dissuade me?"

"Yes."

"Well, you've done a poor job of it so far, Winchester."

He glanced at her. "Just give it time. Until then, I'd prefer if Dean didn't know."

Jenna stayed in the motel room for two nights before John came back. He looked tired, but he told her to pack.

The next week brought in two more hunts. The second one, a werewolf, let Jenna see what John was worried about for her. He came back to the motel and collapsed on the bed.

Jenna ran to him and struggled to help him sit up a little.

"First aid kit," he mumbled. "Duffle bag."

As Jenna dug through his bag, he told her what else to get, including extra towels.

John slowly took off his jacket, and Jenna almost froze when she saw his shirt, ripped open at the chest, stained with blood.

"It's probably not as bad as it looks," John said. "Help me get this shirt off."

Jenna put everything on the bed and grabbed the hem of John's shirt. He winced as he lifted his arms, and Jenna pulled the shirt off of him. She took in the gashes on his chest.

"You're right," she said. "They don't look deep."

"Good. Use the peroxide to clean them. Just pour it on."

John lay on his back while he talked her through what bandages to use to keep the wounds closed, and she followed his instructions. When she placed the last bandage, she smoothed it down. Her fingers trailed over the edges and onto John's skin. Now that his wound was tended to, Jenna let herself be aware of the fact that John was shirtless before her.

"You have blood on your face," she said.

"I don't think it's mine."

Jenna ran her fingers over the bloody spots to look for wounds. She found one by his eyebrow.

"There's a small cut here."

"It's all right," he said as he grabbed her wrist. "Just clean it up."

Jenna glanced at his fingers around her wrist before she picked up a clean towel and began wiping at the blood on John's face. John kept his eyes closed until he felt her get up. He had watched Jenna as she cleaned his chest wound. He could see the worry on her face, but as she placed the final bandage that look was replaced with another.

"Do you see why I don't want you out there?" he asked.

Jenna just nodded as she brought the first aid kit back to John's duffle.

"It's dangerous," he said.

"Do you need help getting up?"

"I'm not getting up. I'll shower in the morning."

Jenna unlaced John's boots and pulled them from his feet.

"Thank you, sweetheart."

Jenna felt her cheeks flush. She risked a glance at his face. He had his eyes covered with his arm, and she was thankful he didn't see her reaction to his term of endearment. He had called her sweetheart many times before, but lately there seemed to be a softness to it that made her stomach drop to her toes each time he said it.

Jenna turned off all the lights and got into bed. Once her eyes adjusted to the dark, she could just make out John's body, still on top the covers in his jeans. His chest rose and fell with each breath. She focused on that rhythm, and listened to his breathing, and let it lull her to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

John's internal struggle continued. He tried to keep his distance. He knew that he should, but his body betrayed him and sought to be near hers. He leaned in closer than he needed to when she showed him a news article. Close enough that he could smell her hair, and wonder what it would be like to have it falling around him as he looked up into her eyes.

One night before his shower, he stared at himself in the mirror and ran a hand over his thick beard. It was too thick. The flecks of gray aged him a little. He shaved, leaving just a light stubble.

When he came out of the bathroom, Jenna was at the table looking over some of John's notes. She was still looking at the papers when she started talking, and John walked over to her.

"This stuff about crop failures, is this an omen- woah... You shaved."

"Yeah, it was too thick."

Jenna stared at his bare face. She took in the dimples that now seemed so much more visible as he smiled.

"What?" he asked. "No good?"

Jenna shook her head. "No, no... It looks good. Just... different. So, uh, the crop failures-"

John sat in the chair next to her and took her hand, drawing her attention away from the work.

"Sweetheart, am I crazy, or have we both been fighting something here?"

Jenna just shook her head.

"No, I'm not crazy? Or, no, there's nothing there?"

"You're not crazy," she whispered.

"I think I'm done fighting it."

"I didn't think you... I mean, I thought you thought of me as a daughter. Me being the same age as your boys."

John nodded. "You are the same age as my boys, but that's the thing. I look at them, and I see my boys. When I look at you," he put a hand to her face, "I see a woman. How do you see me?"

"As a man. An incredibly attractive man."

John smiled. "Then what are we fighting?"

"I don't know," she whispered.

John leaned in slowly, watching her to make sure this was what she really wanted. She closed what little distance there was left, and they kissed. He stood without breaking their kiss, pulling her to her feet in front of him. He wrapped his arms around her, pressing his palms into her back and pulling her flush against him. She sighed, and he felt her body relax into his. Her hands slipped beneath his shirt. John smiled and stepped back. He put his arms up and Jenna pulled his shirt off.

"Your turn," John whispered.

Jenna smiled back at him and lifted her arms. John took his time gathering the material of her shirt, never taking his eyes from hers, before he lifted it off. With his hands caressing her face, he kissed her again, slow and deliberate, making sure Jenna felt each movement of his lips, and each gentle probing of his tongue.

After a moment, he walked her back toward his bed and continued their kiss as he threw the covers back, lay her down, and covered her body with his.

Jenna was surprised by John's slow and gentle touch. His presence was so commanding that the few times she imagined what it would be like to kiss him, she pictured him demanding. What she was experiencing was quite different. A contrast to his usual authoritative demeanor.

His lips moved to her neck, and her hands raked through his hair as he moved lower. He kissed down her stomach until he reached her jeans. After he pulled them from her he took his own jeans off, then returned to his place above her, kissing her neck again. He used his knees to push her legs open, then he started to grind against her.

A long moan escaped her, and her hips began to move against his.

"John?"

"Hmm?"

"Get these underwear off."

His hand slid down to her hip. He slipped a finger into the band and snapped it playfully against her skin.

"Those underwear?"

"Yeah."

He moved his hands behind her back and unhooked her bra, which she quickly removed. John laughed.

"I've never seen you this impatient. It's kind of flattering."

She blushed. "Then maybe you should stop teasing me."

"I'm not trying to tease you, sweetheart." He ran his fingers through her hair. "Total honesty here, I haven't been with a woman in a while... a good while. And you're just-." He stopped and stared at her before he placed a quick kiss on her lips. "I want to savor every minute of you."

Jenna took in a sharp breath. "Okay," she whispered.

John's hand covered one of her breasts while he kissed her neck. Jenna moved her hips against him, and he moaned.

"I like that sound," Jenna said with a smile.

John continued his exploration of her neck. She wrapped her legs around him, and ran her hands all over his back and shoulders.

"John, let me kiss you."

He moved back to her lips, and she pushed on his chest. He took her cue and rolled onto his back, pulling him on top of her. As she straddled his waist and leaned over for a kiss, her hair fell around them. John smiled.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing, just..." His hand rubbed up and down her thighs. "I imagined what this would be like."

"Oh, yeah?" She tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Yeah." John pulled the hair lose again and ran his fingers through it. "Just like this."

Jenna leaned down and kissed along his jaw, down to his neck, and stayed there a while. John's hands massage her thighs before he wrapped his arms around her and thrust his hips up toward her.

At that urging, Jenna shimmied out of her panties, and pulled John's boxers off. She started to kiss up his leg, but he sat up and flipped her onto her back.

"Call me old-fashioned," he said as he lifted her leg up to his hip, "but I think I should lead this time."

"I'm okay with that," she said with a smile.

"Good."

With a kiss to her lips, he pushed into her, taking his time. He stopped about half way, just to regain control of himself as he kissed her neck, then he thrust forward. When their bodies found a rhythm, John moaned, and leaned down to Jenna's ear.

"Sweetheart, you make me wish I was in my twenties again."

"I've got no complaints about the age you are now. You feel so good, John."

She pulled his earlobe between her teeth, and he groaned. He wrapped an arm around her waist, angling her hips up, and he thrust a little faster. Jenna cried out, gripping John's arms.

"So damn good," John groaned.

It wasn't long before Jenna was trembling. Her body curled around John, and she wrapped both of her legs around him, holding on like a life line as he followed her to his climax.

John pushed into her a few more times, easing them down from the high, until her legs fell from his waist. Jenna grabbed his face in both hands and pulled him into a kiss.

When he rolled onto his back, he pulled Jenna close to his side. He kissed the top of her head, letting his lips linger, and her scent fill him.

"I almost forgot what that was like," he said.

"Has it been that long?"

"Sex, no. Making love to someone I care about? Yeah, it's been years."

Jenna leaned up on her elbow, and ran a hand over John's chest.

"You care about me?"

"Way more than I should."

"I know what you mean. I care about you, too. And I know there are so many reasons I shouldn't feel this way. I've questioned how it happened, but somewhere along the way these last few months, you got under my skin."

"Same here, sweetheart."

John wrapped his arms around her and closed his eyes. After a few minutes, Jenna heard him humming. A few minutes more, and she recognized the tune.

"Are you humming 'As Time Goes By'? That's not your usual musical taste."

John chuckled. "When I was a kid, my dad bought me a music box that played that song. I catch myself whistling it sometimes. I guess, lying here with you this way, it made me think of it."

"It's hard to imagine you as a kid."

"Then don't try."

John kissed her, then cradled her in his arms, and they fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Jenna's eyes fluttered open to find John sitting at the table in his boxers, hunched over his papers with his pen in his hand. She leaned up on her elbow and looked at the clock as she rubbed her eyes.

"John, it's two in the morning. Can't work wait until the sun's up?"

He didn't even glance at her as he answered.

"I slept a while. The work doesn't stop just because we sleep."

Jenna tugged the sheet up over her naked chest.

"I know that, but you still need sleep." She tugged her bottom lip between her teeth. "And I kinda thought after what happened between us that-"

She stopped when John's head turned suddenly at her words.

"That what? I would ease up on what I do?"

"No, that's not what-"

"Because that won't happen. You know what I'm after."

There was an edge to his voice that she rarely heard directed at her.

"I know-"

"There's no stopping. Not until I find it and kill it."

"John, listen to me! I know that!" She sat up. "I just thought that I would wake up in your arms instead of an empty bed. I know your mission, and I know last night won't change that... but some down time here and there wouldn't kill you."

John stared at his pen, and Jenna noticed his thumb rubbing over the ring on his finger.

"Unless... you regret last night."

He stopped playing with his ring, and wiped the hand over his face.

"You do, don't you?" Jenna asked softly.

"No." He finally turned in his chair and faced her fully. "Not regret."

"Then what? Because it's something."

John looked away. "Guilt."

"Because of Mary?"

"Mary, your age, what my boys would think..."

"You knew all of this last night, John. You were the one who said you were done fighting the attraction between us."

"I know."

"Then what is this?"

"I don't know."

"Do you think I expect you to give up Mary's memory? Any idiot can see you still love her, and there's nothing wrong with that... but it's been twenty years. Don't you think she would want you to find some kind of happiness with someone?"

John glanced down at his ring before looking away again.

"Do you go through this every time you sleep with someone?" she asked.

"No."

"Then why is this different?"

John stood and started to pace.

"You know why, Jenna."

"No, I don't."

"Last night was about more than sex. I told you... I care about you. A lot. The first woman since Mary."

"Oh..."

Jenna watched him as he finally stopped pacing and stared at her.

"I felt guilty the first time I had sex after Mary's death, but that's all it was. And that's how I got over the guilt. It was just a release. This is different. I've gotten to know you."

"John... you know, whatever it is you feel for me... it doesn't erase your love of Mary."

John took a breath.

"My head knows that," he said.

Jenna stared at her fingers as she played with the edge of a pillowcase. John sat on the edge of the side of the bed, and put his head in his hands.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

Jenna scooted close behind him and rested her head on his shoulder while she rubbed his back.

"Don't be."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Then don't. If you don't want me, tell me now."

John shook his head. "You know that's not the issue."

"Then we'll work it out. But you have to want to."

Jenna took his left hand in hers, and ran her thumb over the wedding band on his finger.

"You wanna tell me about Mary?" she asked as she looked to his eyes, searching for an answer.

"You want me to tell you about my wife?"

"You love her, John. She's the mother of your children. If talking about her helps keep her alive in your mind so you don't feel guilty, like you're trying to replace her, then I want you to tell me all about her. Because I can't replace Mary. I wouldn't even try. I just want to be with you."

She pushed herself back and lifted the covers.

"Come on," she whispered.

John slid next to Jenna and pulled her into his arms. He kissed her forehead and breathed in her scent.

"Why are you so good to such an old grouch?"

Jenna chuckled. "You're not that old. And you're not a grouch. You're just... set in your ways."

Jenna felt John's chest shake with a quiet laughter.

"Sure," he said, "that doesn't make me sound old at all."

Jenna tucked her head into the crook of his neck, and ran a hand up and down his arm.

"I think the fact that you can joke about it proves that our age difference isn't that big of a problem for you," she said. "You mentioned your boys. You think it would upset them?"

"I don't think they would exactly approve. And I do worry about how Dean would react, especially. See, Sammy was just a baby when Mary died. He doesn't even remember her. But Dean does. I don't want him to feel like I'm disrespecting the memory of his mother."

"But you're not."

John sighed. "I'm also not cheating on her, but part of me feels like I am."

Jenna leaned on her elbow and looked down at him.

"Is that really now you feel?"

"A little."

She sat up and pulled the sheet to her.

"Then maybe we shouldn't do this. I don't want to make you feel-"

John put a finger to her lips, then slid his hand to cradle her face. His thumb brushed over her cheek.

"You're not making me feel that way, sweetheart. This is all me." He lay back and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm not the most emotionally stable person since Mary died. It's something you'll have to get used to if you decide to stick around."

Jenna leaned over and placed a soft kiss to John's lips.

"That decision has already been made."

John ran his fingers through her hair as it fell over her shoulders.

"Has it?"

"Yeah. You just have to decide if you're okay with it."

John pulled her head down to kiss her. He rubbed his other hand over her back, and she moaned against his lips. John smiled as he pulled away.

"I'm okay with that decision," he said.

"Good."


	6. Chapter 6

When John woke early the next morning, the feeling of guilt threatened him again as he looked at Jenna. He closed his eyes and remembered their talk. They could work through this. He wanted to.

Jenna was on her side, facing away from him, but his arm was beneath her head. He turned onto his side and pressed himself close to her, tucking his legs tight behind hers. His fingers brushed over her cheek as he pulled her hair back from her face, then he lay his head down and pressed his nose into her hair. He loved just breathing her in.

He slipped his arm beneath the covers and pulled them up around their shoulders, then slid his hand down her arm and side until he reached her bare hip. Because he was wearing his boxers, he had forgotten that Jenna was still nude. He groaned and pressed his lips into her hair. He loved the feel of her smooth skin beneath his fingers. He moved her hair back more so that her neck and shoulder were exposed to his lips. His hand returned to her hip and rubbed over skin. He mouthed at her neck until she sighed. Jenna shifted and her rear rubbed against John's growing arousal, making him moan. He put his hand flush below her waist and held her still. He kissed her neck with more intensity, and whispered her name in her ear.

"Wake up, sweetheart."

Jenna groaned and tried to shift again, but John's hand held her still.

"Jenna..."

"Hmm?"

"Wake up so I can make love to you."

"Mmmmm..."

Jenna placed her hand over John's on her abdomen, but he took it and placed it to the side before returning his hand to where it was. He then slid his hand downward and slipped his fingers into her folds. Jenna jumped at the sensation, now fully awake, then pressed herself back into John with a moan. Reluctantly, John scooted away and pulled Jenna so that she was on her back. With a finger to her chin, he turned her head and kissed her deeply. Jenna put one hand to John's face and used the other to guide John's hand back between her legs as she opened them. He smiled into their kiss as she moaned.

John exhaled as he pulled away and pressed his forehead to Jenna's. She was starting to move her hips against his hand. Her mouth fell slack as the pleasure began to take hold.

"I want you so bad," John whispered.

John pulled Jenna's bottom lip between his teeth. Twenty years. It had been twenty years since he felt this kind of desire. Twenty years since he wanted someone so completely. He wanted to hold her, touch her, and kiss her constantly. And the amazing thing was that she wanted him, too.

Jenna slipped her hand into John's boxers. He let out a sharp breath as she wrapped her fingers around his length, then he buried his face in her neck. A long moan was absorbed by the pillow beneath her head.

John ground himself into her hand in time with his fingers inside of her. His voice trembled as he groaned. How long had it been since he had taken his time with a woman this way? Truly enjoyed her?

With his free hand, John removed her hand from his boxers. His fingers never stopped pleasing her as he moved down between her legs, dragging the covers down with him. He wanted to see all of her, and he wanted her to see him.

He started at her knee, laying kisses along the inside of her leg, up her thigh, letting his tongue peek out and drag along her skin. Just before he reached her apex, he moved to her other knee.

Jenna groaned in frustration.

"Johhhhn..."

"Patience."

He kissed his way up her thigh, taking his time. When he finally reached her core, he licked a slow swipe over her sensitive bud, and her hips jerked up. He splayed his free hand across her hips to hold her down as he closed his lips around her.

She cried out, and it faded into a moan. Jenna sank her hands into John's hair as her back arched off the bed. She lifted her head to watch him, and when their eyes connected, neither of them could look away. She panted and whimpered as John's fingers picked up their pace, until her eyes rolled back and her head hit the pillow. Her body tensed and trembled, and John eased up as she rode it out.

He kicked his boxers off, then pulled his fingers from Jenna. He stroked himself as he kissed up her body to her neck. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and ran her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.

"That was amazing," she whispered in his ear.

"It ain't over yet, darlin'."

He captured her lips as he lifted her leg over his hip. He began to ease into her, but the urge to thrust overtook him. He stilled deep inside of her as she cried out, but she soon moved her hips against his.

Jenna pushed on John's chest, trying to put him on his back, but he let out a growl, took her hands, and pressed them into the pillow beside her head. His lips returned to hers as he fought to keep a steady pace. He wanted to see her come undone again.

John moved one hand to her breast, teasing her nipple with his fingers before latching his lips around it. Jenna gasped and clutched at his shoulders. She moved her hips faster, urging John to do the same as she wrapped her legs around him.

She managed to gasp out his name as another orgasm hit her, and John let himself go.

Neither of them moved for a moment. Quick, shaky breaths were the only sound.

John pulled back and looked into her eyes before he kissed her again, and pulled her to his side as he rolled onto his back.

"I've never had that happen," she whispered.

"Had what happen?"

"Twice. I've never..."

John smiled. "Really?"

"Never. That was amazing." She leaned up on her elbow and kissed him. "You are amazing."

John brushed her hair from her face as she leaned over him.

"You're amazing."

"That was some wake up call."

John chuckled.

"I have a question, though," Jenna said.

"What's that?"

"That's twice now that I've tried to do something, and you stopped me. Why?"

"What do you mean?"

"Last night you stopped me while I was kissing up your leg. This time, you wouldn't let me on top."

John shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I'm just a take-charge kinda guy."

Jenna was quick as she straddled John's waist and grabbed his wrists. This time, he let her press them back into the mattress.

"Learn to let me have the reins sometimes, okay?"

John stared at her hair falling over her shoulders.

"I do like this view," he said with a smile.


	7. Chapter 7

After kissing in bed for a while, Jenna pulled herself away for a shower. She almost hated to wash the smell and feel of John away, but she knew all she had to do was wrap her arms around him again.

As she rinsed her hair, she closed her eyes and remembered John pleasuring her. No one had ever made her feel that good. She'd had two serious boyfriends before. Her second had been good in bed, but John far exceeded him. John looked at her like she was the most precious thing in the world, and that only heightened the experience.

The more she thought about John, the more she ached in her chest. She knew that feeling. She'd felt it before, but never this strong. She was in love. How she had fallen so fast, she didn't know. How she had fallen for John Winchester, whose exterior of detached professionalism easily put people off, surprised her. Yet, it didn't. She had seen through the hard outer shell, to the caring man who loved his wife and sons.

Jenna had a quick thought of jealousy toward Mary, but she pushed it aside. John would always love Mary. It was a tragic loss for him.

But John wanted Jenna, too. He cared for her. He told her he did, and she saw it in his eyes when he looked at her. Mary was a part of John, and always would be, but that didn't mean Jenna couldn't be, too.

She dried her hair and dressed in jeans and a tee, and found John at the table again with his papers, in his boxers and a shirt. He looked up when she exited the bathroom.

"I may have found a case," he said.

"Already?"

"I was looking at it while you were sleeping last night... before you woke up and found me. I just did a little more digging, and it could be my kind of thing."

He got up and grabbed some clothes from his duffle.

"Take a look and tell me what you think," he said.

He kissed her gently as he passed her to go into the bathroom.

Jenna sat at the table and looked through John's work. He still left her in awe. How did he put this stuff together? How did he make the connections? She decided twenty years of experience went a long way.

When John came back into the room he had his jeans on, but no shirt, and he was running a towel over his wet hair.

"Well?" he asked.

Jenna looked up to speak, but was silent as she stared at him. John smiled and cleared his throat.

"Sweetheart?"

"Yeah?"

"The case?"

"You don't really expect me to function when you come in here like that, do you?"

John laughed. Jenna let out a sigh, and reluctantly turned back to the papers.

"I think you're right. This looks like your kind of thing. I'm not even sure why you asked me. The work you've done is pretty solid."

"I wanted to see if you could follow my train of thought and my notes. You are still learning, you know."

"I know."

John threw the towel on the bathroom floor.

"Let's get packed and we can hit the road. We'll be driving well into tonight."

He grabbed a shirt and started to pull it on.

"Wait," Jenna said as she stood.

John stopped and lowered the shirt, still in his hand.

"What?"

Jenna pulled his face to hers and kissed him hard. John's arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her tight against him. He moaned, and Jenna ran her fingers through the hair on his chest.

The kiss slowed and John pulled back, blinking.

"Not that I'm complaining, but what was that?"

Jenna shrugged. "You're sexy, and you were shirtless. Too tempting not to."

John stared at her with a smile on his face. She held his gaze for a few seconds before she had to look down, but he lifted her chin until she looked at him again. Then he kissed her. Quick, but soft.

"I should probably get rid of the temptation if we wanna get on the road," he said as he held up his shirt.

"That might be best."

With one last kiss, Jenna started packing. It wasn't long before they were back in John's truck, traveling down the highway.

Jenna started out in the passenger seat, but the longer they were on the road, the closer she got to John, until he had his arm around her. They stopped a couple of times to eat, and the day slowly passed into night. Jenna lay her head against John's shoulder and started to doze off.

John rubbed her arm.

"Sweetheart, why don't you lie down?"

"I don't want to lean against the door."

"No, I mean lie down. You can use my leg as a pillow. Curl your legs up on the seat, like you do in bed."

Jenna lay on her side, facing the back, and put her head on John's lap. She curled her legs up and pressed her feet into the corner of the seat back to keep herself steady.

John looked down and brushed her hair back from her face.

"Better?"

"Much. Just don't slam on the breaks, or I'll end up on the floor."

John laughed. "Nah. I won't let that happen."

Jenna took a deep breath, and sighed. She nuzzled the hem of John's shirt and let his scent fill her with warm thoughts. Being in his arms. Being beneath him. His eyes staring into her own.

John cupped the back of her head and rubbed back and forth with his thumb. They would be on the road for another two hours. With a straight road and no cars ahead, John found himself staring down at her more often than not.

As he glanced back at the road, his hand at the top of the steering wheel, his eyes caught his wedding ring. He stared at it a moment and let Mary fill his thoughts, then his thumb brushed through Jenna's hair again.

Could he do this? Could he love Jenna without losing Mary?

With that thought, John knew it wasn't a matter of could he. The fact was that he did. He hadn't allowed himself to consider that his feelings had gone that deeply, but they did. He loved Jenna. She brought out the same things in him that Mary had. He felt young again with her. He was playful. He was happy. He hadn't smiled so much in years, and it was because of Jenna.

He stared at his ring again. The idea of taking it off made his stomach turn. It would be like losing Mary all over again. But was it fair to Jenna?

It was so soon. He shook the thoughts from his head. Jenna may not even feel the same way. She said she just wanted to be with him. She cared about him, but maybe that was all it was. Friendship and comfort, with the benefit of physical release.

Whatever it was, he was enjoying it. He enjoyed being with Jenna. But it was too soon to say goodbye to Mary.


	8. Chapter 8

John pulled into the motel parking lot and shut the engine off. He sat back with a sigh, and looked down at Jenna, whose head was still in his lap. Her fingers had played with the edge of his shirt until she fell asleep with her hand resting against his hip.

He lifted her hand and laced their fingers together before pressing a kiss to it. His other hand ran over her hair.

"Jenna... wake up."

She groaned and tried to bury her face in his lap, but soon remembered that she wasn't lying on a pillow. She sat up and looked around.

"Motel?"

"Motel."

"I think I'll stay in the truck while you get the room," she said.

John grinned. "You embarrassed to be seen with me?"

"No, but I didn't like that wink-wink, nudge-nudge look that the guy at the last motel gave you when we walked in together."

"That guy was an ass. Not everyone will do that."

"I know, but I just woke up and I don't want to deal with it if it happens again."

"I could always put the guy in his place," he said with a grin.

"I'd rather you put me in my place... And if you hadn't parked right under a light I'd be placing myself in your lap right now."

John's smile widened, and he leaned over and kissed her.

"Be right back."

John showered first, and emerged in just his boxers. When Jenna was done with her shower, she found John at the small desk in the room, still in just his boxers. He was making a habit of torturing her that way, and she had known he would be that way again, so she was wearing one of his longer t-shirts, and no underwear.

Jenna walked over and stood next to John. She leaned over a bit with her hands on the desk, and one knees bent to make the shirt ride up on her hip a little.

"Still researching the case?"

"Yeah."

He didn't take his eyes from his work, but he reached out and put a hand on Jenna's bottom. When his hand caressed flesh, he looked. His eyes grew dark as he slid his hand down the back of her thigh, then he pushed his chair back.

"You still want me to put you in your place?" he asked.

Jenna bit her bottom lip and nodded. With a low growl, John grabbed her hips and pulled her onto his lap so that she straddled him. He kiss her and pulled her bottom lip between his teeth for a moment.

"You want the reins, sweetheart?"

Jenna smiled and kissed John's neck while she ran her hands over his chest. John tilted his head and enjoyed the feel of her tongue and lips on his skin. His hands gripped her bare hips and massaged over her rear. Jenna kissed up the side of his neck, from his shoulder to his ear, then pulled the lobe between her lips before moving along his jaw. When she reached his chin, John captured her lips in a searing kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck.

John's hands moved up Jenna's sides beneath the shirt she was wearing. He was happy to find that she wasn't wearing a bra. His large hands covered her breasts and gave a gentle squeeze.

Jenna moaned into their kiss, then reached down between them and rubbed her hand over John's growing bulge. He pressed his hips into her hands as much as he could with her in his lap.

Jenna broke their kiss and smiled. John cupped her face in his hands.

"Can I have my way with you?" she asked.

"I'm all yours, darlin'."

Jenna slid to the floor and pushed John's legs apart. Her lips teased over his chest and stomach as she pulled his length free of his boxers, and stroked it from tip to base and back again.

John groaned as his eyes fluttered shut for a moment. With one hand, he grabbed the edge of the chair. The other hand brushed Jenna's hair back, then rested on the back of her head. When Jenna looked up at him, she smiled and moved to take him into her mouth.

"Hey," John whispered.

She looked up, a little concerned.

"Go slow," John added.

Jenna smiled and wrapped her lips around him, slowly taking in as much as she could before pulling back. John's hips chased her mouth as she pulled away, and she couldn't help but giggle.

"You like that?"

"Hell, yeah, sweetheart."

He pulled her head back to him, and she kissed the tip before taking him in again. She worked him nice and slow, just like he asked, and she was rewarded with the most beautiful string of moans and "fuck, baby, that feels so good" that she had ever heard.

When he started to thrust, Jenna stood and straddled him again, and lowered herself onto his rigid shaft. They both moaned as he sank deep inside of her, his hands on her hips to hold her steady. Jenna began to rock gently back and forth, and John pulled the shirt from her so that she was naked. His mouth latched onto one of her breasts, while his hands were splayed across her back to hold her to him, and Jenna sank her fingers into his hair.

They stayed that way for several minutes before John kissed up her neck, wrapped his arms tight around her, and stood. He threw back the covers and let himself slip from her as he lay her down.

"What happened to me having the reins?"

"You still have 'em."

John pulled his boxers off then lay down on his back next to her. He took her hand and tugged.

"Come here," he growled.

Jenna sank back down onto him, ground her hips, then picked up the pace, bouncing a little. John's fingers dug into her hips, and he started to thrust up into her.

When Jenna's rhythm started to falter, John pulled her down against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, planted his feet on the bed, and thrust into her. He slid one hand up the back of her neck and sank it into her hair, his mouth next to her ear.

"You liked it before when I told you how good it felt, didn't you?"

"Yeah," she said through a moan.

"You like it when I talk?"

"Oh, yeah."

"That's what I thought." He thrust up hard, then slowed his pace a bit.

"You're so warm," he said against her ear.

She moaned, loud and long. John's breathing was getting ragged.

"You're so soft." He placed a kiss below her ear. "So warm and wet for me."

"John..."

"Yeah, baby?"

"Take me... take the reins back."

John flipped them over so that he was on top. He thrust into Jenna until she screamed his name, and he moaned hers a couple of minutes later. When John collapsed, he was half on top of her, but Jenna didn't care. She welcomed the weight of him and wrapped her arms around him.

"You're gonna wear me out," John mumbled into her neck.

Jenna laughed, her breathing still heavy.


	9. Chapter 9

Jenna woke the next morning to John's fingers running through her hair. Her eyes fluttered open, and she saw that John was already dressed, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Good morning, beautiful."

Jenna looked at the clock.

"Early start?"

"Yeah." He leaned down to kiss her. "This job could be a couple of days. So, don't panic if I can't call."

Jenna sat up, wrapped an arm around his shoulders, and pulled him into a kiss. When she pulled away she rested her forehead against his.

"Be careful."

"I always am. You keep your head down, too. Stay out of trouble."

"I always do," she said with a smile.

It was four days later, and Jenna hadn't heard from John. She was beginning to worry, picturing the worst in her head. One more night. She would give him one more night, then she would get a taxi and go find him.

She lay in bed, trying to sleep, knowing she wouldn't, when there was a firm knock on the door. She hesitated until she heard the familiar voice on the other side.

"It's me, sweetheart."

Jenna threw the covers back, swung the door open, and fell into John's arms. He wrapped his arms around her waist as he backed her into the room and closed the door.

"I was starting to worry," she said.

"I'm sorry, darlin'."

She pulled back and looked him over for injuries.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Just dirty. I'm gonna shower."

Jenna nodded, and John kissed her. He shrugged out of his jacket, and his eyes fell on her in one of his button-down shirts.

"I was looking for that shirt," he said with a grin.

Jenna smiled and played with the hem.

"I always swipe one of your shirts when you leave. I like to sleep in them. I feel like you're close."

John put a hand to her cheek and stared at her. Jenna saw something in his eyes. It almost looked like sadness.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

John nodded. "I just need a shower, and some sleep."

He kissed her once more before disappearing into the bathroom. When he came back out, Jenna was in bed, curled up on her side. She had turned out all the lights. John leaned against the edge of the wall and stared at her a moment before turning off the bathroom light and climbing into bed behind her. He pulled her onto her back and found that she wasn't fully asleep. She smiled up at him as he unbuttoned the shirt she was wearing. He pulled the fabric open to her sides and ran a hand over her bare breasts, then captured her lips with his. He pushed her legs apart with his knees, then settled on top of her. His lips moved to her neck, and she sighed.

"I thought you were tired."

"Not too tired to make love to you."

John's hands traveled all over her body as he made slow, passionate love to her. He took his time, memorizing every curve, and every sound she made.

When he rolled onto his back he pulled her close and kissed her head. She ran her fingers over his chest and drifted off to sleep.

John stared at the ceiling in the dark. He knew he should get some sleep, but he wanted these last few moments with Jenna in his arms. He had no idea when - if - he would see her again. His last case had gotten him a lead on a demon. Not the demon that killed his wife, but any demon was a lead. He had to go after it, but he knew he couldn't bring Jenna. Not even if he left her a few towns away. After his close call on the last case, which he would never tell her about, he was worried he wouldn't get back to her at all. He thought about what she would do, where she would go, if he just never came back one day.

Once he was sure she was asleep, John brushed her hair back from her face, pressed his lips to hers, then slid out of bed. He was careful not to make a sound as he dressed in the dark. He pulled the note he had written from his duffel and placed it on the night stand. He sat down and wrote that note before he came back from his last case. Five times he balled it up and rewrote it. Twice he had written that he loved her, but it seemed cruel.

This was for the best.

He slung his duffel over his shoulder, glanced back toward Jenna once more, then eased out of the room.

Jenna woke the next morning and stretched. She reached out to find John's side of the bed empty, and she sat up.

"John?"

No answer. Maybe he went for breakfast. She turned to her side and pulled his pillow to her. That was when she saw the note. Halfway through the letter, she stopped and started over, thinking she missed something.

 _Jenna,_  
 _I told you there would be things I couldn't tell you. Well, there are also places I can't take you. I'm going after something, and I need to make sure you're safe. I don't know how long I'll be away. I bought you a plane ticket to New Orleans. There's an address for a motel at the bottom of the page. I've already booked you a room. Please go there and wait, sweetheart. I need to know you're safe._  
 _\- John_

Jenna read it again and again. She looked around the room, and her eyes landed on something poking out of her duffel pocket. She got up, John's shirt still open on her, and pulled out an envelope. It was her plane ticket, along with an ID and credit card in the name of Ashley Wallace, and a few hundred dollars in cash.

She read the note again, and cried. How could he leave that way?

Jenna checked the time on her plane ticket. She had just under four hours before take off. She showered, called for a cab, and gathered her things before checking out.

Going through security had her on edge. She was just waiting to be pulled aside and questioned about her ID, but everything went smoothly. She ate at one of the restaurants in the terminal, then waited for her flight to board. When she landed in New Orleans, she took a taxi to the address John had given her. As promised, her room at the motel was waiting for her.

She was there for two days with no word from John. The following day, there was a knock at her door. In her excitement, believing John had come for her, she flung the door open. But it wasn't John. A younger man, about her own age, stood in front of her. He looked just as confuse as she felt.

"Who are you?" he asked.

Something in that voice felt familiar. Something in his face, and the way he held himself. Realization set in, and Jenna's eyes widened.

"Dean?"

He took a step back, and Jenna realized he was defensive.

"I'm sorry," she said. "My name is Jenna. I'm a... friend of John's. He told me to come here."

"He told me to come here. Said there was something he needed me to take care of."

"You've talked to him?"

"Yeah. Yesterday."

Jenna let out a breath. John was safe.

"Please, come in," she said. "I'm sure you have questions."

"No kidding."


	10. Chapter 10

Dean noticed the salt line across the threshold as he stepped into the room. That put him a little more at ease with Jenna, but not off his guard.

Jenna motioned for Dean to sit in a chair, but he stood with his feet apart and his arms crossed.

"How did you know who I am?"

Jenna sat on the edge of one of the beds. "You look like John, to be honest. Hard to deny you're his son."

Dean had been told that before, so he just nodded.

"How do you know my dad?"

"He saved my life a few months back. A shifter killed my parents." She hadn't talked about it in a while, and the memory was still fresh in her mind. Her eyes welled up. "I didn't have anyone else, so John told me I could ride with him until I figured out my next step. Turned out that the next step was to help him."

"You're hunting?"

"Hunting?"

"Going on jobs?"

"No. Part of the agreement was that I only do research and help him plan. He never lets me near a case."

"Why didn't he tell me about you? Why the big secret?"

Jenna now realized that, even before they slept together, John was fighting off the attraction, just like she was. That was why he didn't want to tell Dean about her.

"He said it was because we were still learning to work together, and he was still trying to make me see that this life isn't what I want."

"Yeah, well, he's right about that."

"Did John say where he is?"

"Yeah. He's looking into some disappearances along a stretch of road in California."

"Well, that doesn't sound any worse than his usual stuff. He couldn't take me along for that?"

"Don't ask me. I didn't even know you existed until you opened that door." Dean finally sat in the chair. "He didn't tell you where he was going when he told you to come here?"

"Technically, he never told me anything. He wrote me a note and disappeared in the middle of the night."

"What did the note say?"

"Just to come here and wait, that he wanted to make sure I was safe, and that there were things he couldn't tell me."

Dean leaned back with a huff. "I'm guessing you're the thing he needs me to take care of. Am I supposed to babysit you, now?"

Jenna glared at him. "I don't need babysitting. I can actually be useful. John taught me some stuff. I can help you until he comes back for me."

"Help me or not, it doesn't matter. Dad gave me an order. I have to take care of you. That means I keep you safe. That means his rules still apply. No hunts for you."

"Fine by me."

"Good, because I'm gonna go grab some food, then I have to get back to what I'm here for. You'll have to stay here."

"You mind if I come along for food? I've been in this room the past two days."

"Sure."

In the car, Dean turned up the radio before he pulled out of the parking lot. A familiar guitar riff filled the air.

"Hope you don't mind," he said.

"Not at all. This is all John listened to."

They ate silently at the diner. Jenna's thoughts were on John. Why did he leave her for a case that seemed so usual for him? Why didn't he tell her he was sending Dean for her? Why didn't he tell Dean about her before he got to her motel? All John did was leave them with questions.

When Dean dropped Jenna back at the motel, they exchanged phone numbers for emergencies, and he gave her instructions to lock up and not let anyone in. Jenna couldn't help but smile.

"You find something amusing?"

"You just... you are definitely John Winchester's son."

The corner of Dean's mouth turned up a bit, and Jenna found that his voice was softer as he spoke again.

"I could be a couple of days. Just hang tight, okay?"

"I'll be here."

Dean texted her three days later to let her know he would be gone a few more days.

A text message. John hated them. He refused to send them. He said it took too long to hit a key three times to get one letter. It was just easier to call. Dean apparently differed from his dad on this.

When Dean finally got back to the motel a few days later, it was late. He crashed on the bed without a shower.

The next morning, Jenna was up and dressed before Dean. She had heard him come in, and knew he had only been asleep a couple of hours, so she was careful not to wake him.

It was a little after eight when Dean got up. He showered and came out of the bathroom fully dressed before he sat on the edge of the bed. He faced Jenna, who lay on the opposite bed leaning against the headboard, reading a book.

"I know I kinda just crashed here last night. I hope that was okay."

"It's okay."

"I can get another room, if you want."

"No, it's fine. As long as we respect each other's space, I've got no problem. Plus, I've been here by myself for a week. I could use the company."

"Sounds good to me."

Dean sat for a moment, then rubbed his hands together.

"You hungry?"

"I could eat," she said.

"Wanna get out for a while?"

"Yes, please."

Dean drove them back to the diner for breakfast. They were silent until they ordered their food. A young waitress came up to the table, and Jenna watched as a wide smile spread across Dean's face.

"Good morning," the waitress said.

"It is now, sweetheart."

The rest of the exchange faded into the background. She was stuck on that word: sweetheart. How many times had John called her that? The sound of it had changed as their relationship changed, but it was something he had called her from night they met. It sounded familiar falling off of Dean's lips like honey as he flirted with the waitress.

"Jenna..."

She snapped out of her thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"You ready to order?"

"Oh, yeah... sorry."

She ordered her food, then glanced at Dean as he watched the waitress walk away. When he turned back to her, his grin slowly faded.

"You kind of checked out there for a minute. You okay?"

"I was just thinking about John. You haven't heard from him?"

"No, not yet."

"He's never gone this long."

"Actually, he has been."

""Not since I've been with him."

"Maybe that's why he didn't want you along. He knew it would be a long one."

"Maybe."

Jenna pulled her bottom lip between her teeth as she stared out of the window.

"You're really worried about him, aren't you?" Dean asked.

Jenna looked back at Dean to find him staring at her.

"Yeah, I am."

"Don't be. He's the best."

Jenna smiled. "Well, I don't have anyone to compare him to, but from what I've seen, him being the best doesn't sound too far fetched."

Dean's smile widened so much that Jenna felt like she had complemented Dean instead of John. He obviously admired his dad a lot.


	11. Chapter 11

Jenna and Dean passed the next few days in the motel room, waiting for any news from John. They played a lot of cards, and Dean helped Jenna work on her poker face.

"How are you so good at this?" she asked, her voice filled with disbelief. She was a decent poker player and she hadn't won yet against him.

Dean smiled. "I'm a hustler, sweetheart. When I play, money's on the line."

When they weren't playing cards they would watch television. Jenna would sometimes read. It was during one of those moments that Dean lay in the bed, silently staring at the ceiling, when he stood and began to pace.

"You okay?" Jenna asked.

"I'm starting to go stir-crazy. Aren't you?"

Jenna shrugged. "The past few months of my life have been motel and truck. I guess I'm used to it now."

Dean glanced at the clock. It was 10:00 pm.

"You ever been to New Orleans before?"

"No."

"You drink?"

"Yeah."

"Awesome. Get dressed. We're going out." Dean started digging in his duffle for his jeans.

Jenna got out of bed. "What?"

"Bourbon Street. The French Quarter. You can't be in New Orleans for two weeks and not go. So, let's go."

Jenna dressed in her best jeans and nicest top, with a low v-neck. She had worn it once in front of John, before they slept together, and she had noticed his eyes lingering on her cleavage several times. The attention from John, much wanted, but at the time something she thought shouldn't be, caused her not to wear it again. Jenna wore it now to feel good about herself. And maybe as a way to think about John in a way that didn't have her worried about his safety.

A little makeup, and she ran her fingers through her wavy hair.

"Ready," she said as she stepped out of the bathroom.

Dean stood from the chair, and Jenna caught him staring. Like father, like son, so it seemed. She cleared her throat, and Dean's eyes snapped up to hers.

"Let's go," he said.

They walked down Bourbon Street side by side. Jenna side-stepped a few drunk people along the way.

"Pretty crowded."

"You should see it during Mardi Gras."

"You've been here for Mardi Gras."

"Yep. Huge party. Just a sea of people in the street."

They found a bar that didn't look too crowded and slipped inside. Dean dragged her to a table and she sat down.

"What are you drinking?" Dean asked.

"Beer is fine."

Dean waited at the bar for their drinks. He smiled at a woman a few stools over, but he didn't make a move. He couldn't leave Jenna for a hookup. His dad would kill him. He glanced back at Jenna, who sat looking out over the crowd. His eyes slipped down to her cleavage again. His dad would kill him for that, too. His orders were to take care of her, and Dean was sure John hadn't meant how he would like.

As Dean made his way back to the table with their drinks, he saw a man sitting across from Jenna. Dean sat her beer in front of her with a smile.

"Here you go, sweetheart."

He pulled a chair next to her and put his arm around her, on the back of her chair, as he sat.

The guy cleared his throat. "So, you weren't lying."

"Sorry," Jenna said.

"No, I'm sorry." He stood with a nod to Dean, and left.

Dean leaned in close. "What weren't you lying about?"

Jenna leaned in to answer, and Dean caught her scent.

"He was hitting on me. I told him I'm in a relationship, but he didn't believe me until you came back. Thank you for that."

"I was a little worried you'd be mad at me."

"No, I'm not in the mood to fend off guys."

"Then maybe you should have worn a different shirt," Dean said.

As soon as the words were out of his mouth he braced himself for her to get angry, but she laughed.

"I almost didn't. I've worn this shirt once, and didn't wear it again because of the attention it brought."

It certainly got Dean's attention.

Dean left his arm around her as he sipped his beer. He knew he should pull away, but he didn't want to. He knew better than to do what he wanted to do. Not until he found out why his dad wanted her safe.

Jenna's voice broke into his thoughts.

"Still no word from John?"

"No. He could be checking in on my brother while he's out there."

"Sam's going to school in California?"

"Stanford."

"I'm impressed. Why didn't you go to college?"

Dean froze with his beer to his lips.

"You're kidding, right?"

"No. What," she asked with a smile, "grades not good enough?"

"Dad didn't tell you."

"Tell me what?"

Dean sat his beer down and took a breath.

"Dad didn't want Sam going to college."

"What? Why not?"

"He's worried about him staying safe. Dad doesn't like the idea that he's not there to protect him."

"He let's you go off by yourself."

"Yeah, but he keeps in touch, and we meet up again."

"Well, I'm sure he keeps in touch with Sam."

Dean lowered his head. "How long have you been riding with him?"

"A few months."

"You've seen him call me?"

"Sure."

"You ever see him call Sam?"

Realization sank in. "They don't talk?"

"They had a huge fight the night Sam left. We haven't heard from him since."

"But you said John was probably checking on him."

"From a distance. He parks on campus and waits until he sees him. He just wants to be sure he's good."

"He never told me any of that."

"Yeah... he's not likely to. I only know because I followed him last time we were in California."

"But still... that wouldn't extend his trip that much. A day, maybe two. Maybe we should try calling John."

"I'm starting to worry, too, to be honest."

Dean pulled out his cell and called John. It went straight to voicemail.

"Hey, Dad," Dean said, "I'm still in New Orleans. Jenna's with me. She's getting a little worried that we haven't heard from you. Just give us a quick call, okay?"

Dean shut his phone and shrugged. That was all he could do. Or was it? He glanced at Jenna.

"You ever been to California?"

"We're going to look for him?"

Jenna sat up straight, and a smile tugged at her lips. Dean knew then that she wanted to go.

"Yeah, we're going. We'll leave after breakfast."

He downed the rest of his beer. Without thinking, he let his arm fall over Jenna's shoulder. The back of his hand brushed the side of her breast.

Jenna glanced down, then turned to Dean. He seemed to really not notice.

"Dean..."

"Yeah?"

She took his hand and pulled his arm from her shoulders.

"Sorry," he said. "I guess I went into bar mode."

"Bar mode?"

"Yeah, you know... Drinks, pretty woman."

Jenna shook her head. "You're an incorrigible flirt."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Dean said with a smile.

"I've seen you with enough waitresses to know that you know exactly what I'm talking about."

Dean laughed. "You want another beer?"

"Sure."

Dean went back to the bar, and Jenna stared after him. He reminder her of John in so many ways. His confidence, and his commanding presence, for sure. She wondered if it came naturally to him, or if he learned it from watching John.

But he was different, too. Maybe because he was younger. Maybe because he never had the responsibility of a family the way John had. Dean was a lot more playful and flirtatious. John had his moments when they were alone, but Dean almost always had the charm turned on. The one time he took on John's seriousness was while he was talking about Sam.

Her thoughts went back to John as she watched Dean come back with more drinks. She hoped he was safe. She hoped she would be able to hold him again soon.


	12. Chapter 12

Dean and Jenna were on the road after a nice breakfast, though Jenna found it hard to eat. The idea of actually going to look for John had her stomach in knots. The possibility that he was hurt, or worse, lessened her appetite, but she forced herself to get some food down. It was going to be a long trip, and if Dean was anything like John, he would stay on the road as long as he could without stopping.

Dean seemed to have no trouble eating, but Jenna did notice that he didn't flirt with the pretty waitress.

"You're worried, aren't you?"

"Nah." Dean pushed his food around a little before taking another large bite.

"Why don't I believe you?"

"Okay, maybe a little. But I'm sure it's nothing. He's just busy. Or his phone's battery is dead."

Once they hit the road, they didn't talk much. They stopped twice to eat, and a few times to fuel, grab some snacks, and make a pit stop, but it was barely enough time for them to stretch their legs. Sunset had come and gone, and they were still going.

"Dean, why don't you let me drive?"

"I don't think so."

"You've been driving for twelve hours. You need a break."

"Did Dad ever let you drive his truck?"

"No, we always stopped for the night."

"Yeah, you're not driving my car."

Jenna crossed her arms and stared at him, her eyebrows pulled together.

"You'll share a motel room with me, but you won't let me drive your car?"

"Basically."

"Ugh, you Winchesters are stubborn men."

Dean drove for another four hours before he pulled into a motel parking lot. Jenna had fallen asleep against the passenger door. Dean put a hand on her shoulder and gave it a gentle shake. He spoke in a soft voice, not wanting to scare her awake.

"Jenna. Wake up."

Jenna moved a little and leaned into Dean's hand. A soft hum, or was it a moan, escaped her lips before he said her name again and her eyes fluttered open.

"Where are we?"

"Still about a day from California." A slow grin spread across his face. "What were you dreaming about?"

"Huh?"

"You made an interesting sound when I woke you up."

Jenna sat up and wiped her eyes.

"What are you talking about?"

"Come on, I could use a good sex story."

"Gross! Shut up!"

"Ohhh... Defensive. It must have been really good."

Jenna stared at the huge smile on Dean's lips and the twinkle in his eyes, and couldn't help but laugh. Just two little words would wipe all that away... your dad.

"Maybe I was having a sex dream, but I'm not telling you about it."

"Aw, come on."

Jenna got out of the car and Dean followed. She got their bags from the trunk while Dean went in to get the room. Once they were inside, Dean walked up behind her while she rifled trough her duffle.

"So, about that noise you made..."

"Oh my gosh!"

"I'm sorry, but you moaned."

"I did not!" She turned to face him. "But what if I did? That's doesn't mean you get to hear about it."

"Why not?"

"Seriously?"

"What?"

She pulled her pajamas from her bag, then poked a finger into his chest. "Do you remember what I said about respecting each other's space?"

"Yeah."

"Consider anything that happens in my head my personal space, okay?"

She turned on her heels and locked herself in the bathroom. Dean followed her and leaned against the doorframe.

"It was me, wasn't it?"

"Are you kidding me?" she yelled through the door.

"Just admit it."

Jenna flung the door open, but then softened her expression.

"Fine," she said. She walked closer to him before trailing a finger down his chest. "You're right. I was dreaming about your hands... how they would feel on my body... in my hair. I was dreaming about kissing you, and your lips moving down... All... over."

The smile on Dean's face faded as she went on, until there was a completely different expression in its place. His eyes locked on hers.

"Really?"

"No!" Jenna turned back into the bathroom and slammed the door.

As she showered, she let her dream play through her mind. John's hands on her hips while she rode him, his fingers pressing into her flesh, and she was moaning. Goodness, was she moaning. It was no surprise that one of those moans escaped her dream.

Then she thought about Dean. Had she taken it too far? His face when she made up the things about the dream... it looked like lust. She didn't need to make a complicated love affair with John even more complicated. She would have to watch how she interacted with Dean. He was a flirt, and that made it really easy to be playful with him, but it could also be dangerous.

She finished her shower, dressed, then went back into the room. Dean was on the bed closest to the door, leaning back against the headboard while he watched television. Jenna sat on the edge of the other bed.

"Hey, uh..."

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry about before. I took that a little too far, and-"

"No, I should apologize." Dean swung his legs off the bed as he sat up, and he faced her. "I had it coming. You were right, whatever happens in your head is your own business... no matter how interesting it sounds."

His lips curled into a grin, and Jenna couldn't help but return it.

"I kept pestering you," he said, "and you beat me at my own game."

Jenna smiled and looked at the floor.

"We cool?" Dean asked.

"Yeah, we're cool."

"Awesome. I'm gonna go shower."

Dean handed Jenna the tv remote, and soon disappeared into the bathroom. When he came back into the room, he sat on the edge of the bed. Jenna thought he looked like he wanted to say something, but he glanced over at his phone on the night table and grabbed it. A light was blinking, indicating the he had a message.

Jenna watched as his eyes flew to hers, and any hint of a smile faded.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

Dean put the phone on speaker and played the message again. It was John. There was a lot of static, and the connection was bad, but it was definitely John.

"Dean...something big is starting to happen...I need to try and figure out what's going on. It may... Be very careful, Dean. We're all in danger."

Jenna sat up and faced Dean.

"He's in trouble," she said.

"He's alive. That's the point."

"We have to get to him."

"I have to make a stop first."

"Where?"

"I'm going to get Sam."


	13. Chapter 13

Jenna waited in the back seat of the car while Dean went to talk to Sam. They came down from his apartment just a few minutes later, and she could hear Dean in the trunk, searching for something. Then she heard the recording of John's voice message.

Dean slammed the trunk closed, then slid into the drivers seat.

"Is he coming?" she asked.

"Yeah. He went to pack a bag and say goodbye to his girlfriend."

"Did it take much convincing to get him to come along?"

"More than I would have liked."

Jenna could sense that Dean didn't want to discuss it any further. It was one of the ways he was like John... a man of few words, unless he was turning on the charm. She sat back behind the passenger seat, slipping into the shadow.

Sam got in a moment later, and Dean pulled away from the building. Once they were on the road, Dean spoke.

"Sam, that's Jenna. Jenna, Sam."

Sam stared at Dean for just a moment before turning to the back seat with a surprised look on his face. Jenna held up a hand as a wave.

"Hi, Sam."

"Hi..." Sam turned back to Dean. "I though you said you didn't want to do this alone? You're not alone."

"I will be when I go after Dad."

"Wait," Jenna said as she moved forward on the seat. "You're not letting me come with you to look for John?"

"Are you kidding? Dad would kill me. I'm supposed to be protecting you. Dad's rules, remember? No cases. As far as I'm concerned, this is a case. There's no telling what we'll come up against."

"Hold on," Sam said. "No offense, but who are you?"

"John saved my life a few months back, and I kind of stuck around."

"You've been traveling with them?"

"Just John."

"I met her a few weeks ago," Dean added. "Dad called and told me there was something he needed me to take care of. He gave me an address and a motel room number... Jenna was inside."

"John asked me to wait for him there. Actually, the more I think about it, he just asked me to wait. I don't think he ever intended to come get me himself. I just don't understand why he took off the way he did. He didn't tell me he was leaving. He just left me a note with instructions."

Sam scoffed. "Yeah, that sounds like Dad."

"No," Dean said. "Something's off. I can feel it."

When they got to Jericho the next day, Dean found a motel at the center of town. He asked for a room and handed the clerk a credit card in the name of Hector Aframian. The clerk glanced at it.

"You guys having a reunion or something?"

"What do you mean?" Sam asked.

"I had another guy, Burt Aframian. He came and bought out a room for the whole month."

Sam and Dean looked at each other, but Jenna had to stop herself from darting out of the office.

"We didn't realize he was here already," Dean lied. "What room is he in?"

"Room ten."

Jenna turned on her heels and started to run toward the room once she was out of the office, but Dean whisper-shouted after her.

"Jenna!"

She skidded to a stop. "What?"

"Hang on." He gripped her elbow when he reached her. "We don't know what's in that room."

"It's John's room."

"Yeah, but he's not answering his phone. Let us get in there."

They walked to the door, and Sam worked the pick into the lock and had the door open a moment later. He pulled Dean inside, and Jenna followed. The wall was covered in photos and articles. Sam stooped down and picked up a bit of salt from the large ring on the floor, while Dean picked up a partially-eaten burger and smelled it.

"I don't think he's been here for a couple days at least," Dean said.

"Salt, cats-eye shells...he was worried," Sam said. "Trying to keep something from coming in."

Dean stared at some of the photos on the wall.

"What have you got here?" Sam asked.

"Centennial Highway victims. I don't get it. I mean, different men, different jobs, ages, ethnicities. There's always a connection, right? What do these guys have in common?"

Jenna and Sam looked around as Dean spoke.

"Guys," Jenna said. "Go find John. I'll stay here and see if I can figure out what he was putting together... and in case he comes back."

"Good idea," Sam said.

"Will you be okay here alone?" Dean asked. "I mean, Dad was worried about something." He motioned to the salt ring on the floor.

"I'll be fine."

Dean seemed hesitant, but agreed.

They got back early the next morning, Dean covered in what Jenna hoped was mud.

"You smell awful," she said with a hand over her nose.

"So I hear. I'm gonna go shower."

Jenna filled Sam in on what she able to put together from John's information. Once Dean was out of the shower, they filled him in.

"It's Constance," Sam said. "She's a woman in white."

"That doesn't explain where John is," Jenna said.

"No, it doesn't," Dean said. "I'm starving, I'm gonna grab a little something to eat in that diner down the street. You two want anything?"

"No."

"Aframian's buying."

Sam and Jenna both declined, and Dean left. He was barely gone a minute when Sam's phone rang. When he disconnected he peaked through the curtains.

"What's going on?" Jenna asked.

"Cops. They stopped Dean."

He let the curtains close and grabbed Jenna's wrist.

"We gotta go," he said.

"Where?"

"I'll have to boost you through the bathroom window."

He grabbed their bags and pulled Jenna into the bathroom. Once Jenna was outside, Sam tossed her the bags, then hefted himself up and out of the window. They made their way around the building.

"We'll go to that diner until the cops leave," Sam said, "then we'll come back for the car."

"How do we get Dean out of jail?" Jenna asked as they walked down the street.

"We don't... I will."

"What?"

"Look, I don't know you, but Dean seemed pretty adamant about you staying out of this, and he said it was Dad's rule."

"You're kidding me?"

"No. Once we get the car back I'm taking you to a motel outside of town. We'll come get you when we're done."

Jenna stared at the ground as she walked.

"Do you think this woman... woman in white got John?"

"Nah, it wasn't her."

"What makes you so sure?"

"Women in white go after unfaithful men. Mom's been gone for years, and Dad hasn't even taken off his wedding ring. At least, the last I saw him."

"No, he still wears it."

"You don't get more faithful than that."

But Jenna remembered what John had said about feeling like he was cheating on Mary with her. She wondered if the ghost would see such shades of grey.

Alone in another motel, Jenna lay on her bed and waited. She stared at John's name on her cell phone while her thumb hovered over the call button. After a long moment of hesitation, she pressed it. The line rang three times before it went to voicemail. Jenna closed her eyes against tears when she heard his voice.

"This is John. Leave a message."

The tone beeped, but Jenna hung up. She ran a hand over her face and called again. She listened to his voice again and waited for the beep.

"It's me," she said. "I wish I knew where you are... if you're okay. I'm so worried about you. I miss you, John. Please call me just to let me know you're alive. I..."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. It had to be said.

"I love you, John. Come back to me."

Jenna fell asleep with her phone in her hand, but a call never came. Dean and Sam picked her up that night and they filled her in once they were on the road. John had left his journal behind with a message for Dean. Coordinates.

"Is John there?" Jenna asked.

"We don't even know where 'there' is," Dean said.

"Yes, we do," Sam said. He was looking at a map, using a flashlight in the dark car. "Blackwater Ridge, Colorado."

"Sounds charming. How far?"

"About six hundred miles."

"Hey, if we shag ass we could make it by morning."

"Dean, I, um..."

"You're not going."

"The interview's in like, ten hours. I gotta be there."

Dean nodded, trying to hide his disappointment.

"Yeah. Yeah, whatever. I'll take you home."

When they got back to Sam's apartment he got out of the car and leaned down to look through the window.

"Nice to meet you, Jenna."

"You, too, Sam."

Sam looked to Dean. "Call me when you find him."

"Yeah, all right."

Sam started to walk away, but Dean called to him.

"You know, we made a hell of a team back there."

"Yeah."

Dean drove off, and Jenna could tell he was having second thoughts.

"Dean, why don't you just go back?"

"He doesn't want to come."

"Yes, he does... part of him, anyway. I think he misses you."

"Yeah, sure."

"Just go back and talk to him again. Maybe we can head out after his interview?"

Dean's eyes met Jenna's for a moment in the rearview mirror before he turned the car around. Dean parked the car and shut the engine off.

"Wait here?"

"Sure."

A few minutes later, just as Jenna was settling back into the seat for a long wait, she saw smoke rising from the building. She got out of the car, but stood inside the open door and watched as a large ball of fire exploded out of the window. Jenna jumped and started to move toward the building when she saw Dean dragging his brother away. Sam was fighting to go back, yelling out, "Jess! No!"

Jenna's heart sank as she realized what was happening. Sam's girlfriend was still inside.

Dean got Sam to sit inside the backseat of the car, and they heard sirens in the distance.

Firemen talked to Sam, but they eventually left him to grieve. Jessica was gone. Dean and Jenna watched as the fire was put out.

"It was just like my mom," Dean whispered.

Jenna's eyes flew to his. "She was... on the ceiling?"

Dean nodded. "Dad told you?"

"Yeah. Sam's girlfriend died just like your mom?"

Dean nodded again and looked back to Sam. He was in the trunk, away from the crowd. Without a word, Dean walked back to him, and Jenna followed. Sam looked at them as tears slipped down his face. He loaded a gun and threw it into the trunk.

"We got work to do."


	14. Chapter 14

Blackwater Ridge turned out to be a dead end as far as finding John. He wasn't there, and that only served to piss Sam off. Dean, on the other hand, kept a cool head. John was giving them orders. They had monsters to kill and lives to save. If finding John wasn't possible, they would keep doing the job.

The next job came in Lake Manitoc, Wisconsin. It was there that Jenna saw a side to Dean that she wasn't expecting. They were leaving town after being run off by the sheriff. Dean stopped at a traffic light, but headed back to town instead of the highway. Sam questioned him, but Dean was worried that they were leaving too soon.

"What if we take off and this thing isn't done?" Dean said. "You know, what if we missed something? What if more people get hurt?"

"But why would you think that?"

"Because Lucas was really scared."

"That's what this is about?"

"Wait," Jenna said, "who's Lucas?"

"He's a kid we met," Sam said. "He saw his dad die on the lake, and his mom said he hasn't talked since... but he seemed to take to Dean."

"I just don't want to leave this town until I know the kid's okay," Dean said.

"Who are you? And what have you done with my brother?"

"Shut up."

It turned out that Dean was right. Jenna stayed in the car while Dean and Sam ran into the house following Lucas. Dean came out a few minutes later and motioned for her to come inside. Andrea, Lucas' mother, had almost drowned, and Sam sat trying to comfort her and get answers. Dean and Jenna looked through family photo albums until Dean found something he was looking for, and they were able to make a connection before Lucas got their attention and went outside. Everyone followed him until he stopped on a mound of dirt and grass. Dean ordered Jenna back inside with Andrea and Lucas, but Jenna watched through the window with Andrea as the guys dug something up, then the Sheriff pulled a gun on them. Jenna ran out of the house yelling for him not to shoot, and Andrea was behind her a moment later.

"I told you to wait inside," Dean said.

"Tough."

They tried to convince the Sheriff of what was going on, but he wouldn't listen until Lucas was pulled into the lake, and the Sheriff finally saw the spirit of his dead childhood friend. Jenna stayed with Andrea on the dock while Dean and Sam dove into the water for Lucas, but they couldn't find him. That's when the Sheriff went into the water. The ghost took him, and Dean finally came back up with Lucas in his arms.

The ride out of town was quiet. Something about that boy had gotten to Dean. When they got to a motel that night, Dean didn't stay.

"I'm going out," he said as he grabbed his jacket.

"Bar?" Jenna asked.

"Yep."

"Mind if I come?"

He hesitated, but nodded. "Let's go."

Dean pointed out two open stools at the bar counter, and they sat. Dean ordered a shot of whiskey, then a beer. Jenna settled for a beer. They drank without one word of conversation, much to Dean's relief. He ordered his second beer, and took a long pull once it was in front of him. He watched Jenna pick at the label on her bottle for a while.

"I wasn't expecting you to be so quiet," he said.

"We can talk if you want."

"No, it's just... I thought you came along to see what was bothering me."

"Is something bothering you?" she asked with a grin.

He raised his eyebrow in question, and she smiled.

"Maybe I'm just waiting until you have enough booze in you to loosen you up," she said.

Dean smiled.

"It's the kid, right? Lucas?"

Yeah," he whispered.

"He's fine, Dean. You saved his mom. He's even talking again, thanks to you."

"That's not it."

"Then, what?"

Dean stared at his beer bottle, opened his mouth to speak, then closed it.

"It's okay" Jenna said. "You don't have to talk about it."

She motioned to the bartender and ordered another beer, and the two of them slipped back into a comfortable silence.

When Dean went off to use the restroom, Jenna pulled out her cell. She dialed John's number and listened as the operator said the number was out of service for the tenth time in as many days, then ordered another beer.

A week later, Dean told her John's number was back in service. She dialed it and listened to his voice.

"This is John Winchester. I can't be reached. If this is an emergency, call my son, Dean. 785-555-0179. He can help."

A few weeks later, Jenna lay on a bed reading newspapers in a motel room in St. Louis when Dean walked in.

"Wasn't expecting to see you today," she said. "Where's Sam?"

"Dropped him off at the library. He's trying to scrounge up some lure. We've been at it for hours and I'm exhausted."

He plopped down next her and stared at the newspaper.

"Anything interesting?"

"Not a thing."

She turned the page, but Dean reached up and pulled it from her hands.

"What are you doing?"

"You ever... think about us?"

"What?"

"You know I've liked you since I first met you," he said. "Well, after I realized you weren't one of the bad guys."

"Dean..." she shook her head and looked down. "I don't know what to say."

He put a hand to the back of her head and pulled her into a kiss. When he tried to deepen it, Jenna pulled away.

"Dean... I can't."

"Yes, you can."

He kissed her neck while she pushed at his shoulders.

"No, Dean. I do like you, but..."

"But, what? I'm not good enough for you?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying."

Dean got up and went to his duffle. "You women are all the same," he said. He pulled a length of rope from his bag and stalked back toward Jenna.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Gonna teach you a lesson."

She tried to run, but it was too late. She didn't even make it off the bed and he grabbed her ankle.

"Come here!"

He straddled her waist as he tied her hands together. She fought, kicking and screaming for help, begging for him to stop. He put a hand over her mouth.

"Shhh... first you, then Becky. Obviously you don't wanna screw Dean. Maybe she does."

Jenna stopped fighting. Did he just refer to himself in the third person? A grin spread across his face and he removed his hand.

"Figured it out, did you?"

Jenna watched as his eyes flashed. Whatever this was, it wasn't human, and it wasn't Dean.

"You're... not Dean."

"You're quick," he said, his voice laden with sarcasm.

"But you look just like him."

"For all the good it did me."

"No, see, you don't get it. I can't sleep with Dean... it's complicated, but... I want to."

"Do you, now?"

"Yeah."

She reached her tied hands up and ran a finger over his face. He closed his eyes for just a moment.

"Maybe... I could... with you."

"You would want that?"

"Would you?"

He ran a hand through her hair and down the side of her face before he kissed her again. She let him deepen the kiss, and he rolled onto his back, pulling Jenna on top of him. She carefully gathered the extra rope length into her hands while they kissed. Once she was sure he had nothing to grab, she pulled back and connected her knee with his groin. He grabbed the area on instinct, doubled over in pain, and Jenna ran out of the room. She was halfway across the parking lot to the main office when she saw Sam and Dean running toward her. She ran straight into Sam's arms and cried. Dean ran into the room and returned a moment later.

"He's gone," Dean said. "Let's get her inside before we draw attention to ourselves."

Once inside, Sam started working the knots in the rope loose.

"What happened?" he asked.

Jenna kept an eye on Dean, and flinched when he sat next to her. Dean and Sam looked at each other.

"That bastard attacked you as me, didn't it?" Dean asked.

Jenna nodded. "Was that a... a shifter?"

"Yes," Sam said. "Your first run-in with one, huh?"

Jenna's eyes started to water, and Dean shook his head at Sam. He put a hand to Jenna's shoulder, but she pulled away.

"Jenna... I'm sorry. It wasn't me."

"I know that. But I thought it was you when it was... It's just going to take some time."

Dean nodded.

"Guys... who's Becky?"

"Why?" Sam asked.

"The shifter said it was going after her next."

Sam looked to Dean and took off.

"What's wrong?" Jenna asked.

"That's a friend of his from college. She's why we're here. The shifter killed someone while it looked like her brother."

Jenna thought for a while. "How did that thing even know about me? How did it find me?"

"Sam figured out that when the shifter changes into someone, it forms a link. Kinda like a psychic connection. It has access to that person's thought and memories."

Jenna nodded. She just barely remembered John telling her that the night he saved her.

"It must have seen you in my head," Dean said.

Jenna nodded, and stood. "I need a shower."

"Understandable."

As Jenna ran the shampoo through her hair, she wondered if the things the shifter said were true. She wondered if Dean really did like her in that way. She sighed and rinsed her hair. She needed John to come back. She needed to see him again, and hold him, because she realized as she turned off the water that before the shifter had actually kissed her, the idea of kissing Dean hadn't been a disagreeable one.


	15. Chapter 15

Dean gave Jenna a lot of space over the next few weeks, and she found that it was helping. That was the Dean she knew; not the thing that attacked her, and tried to push himself on her.

The space gave her a little time to get to know Sam, and she was grateful for that. Sam was John's son, too. One he was very proud of, and Jenna made sure to tell him. He seemed not to believe her at first, but she made sure he knew she was telling the truth.

One thing that worried her about Sam was the fact that he was having nightmares. She could see the worry on Dean's face, too, but she knew he probably just assumed what she did; Jessica's death was haunting him.

They were staying in a motel, looking for their next case. Jenna, for the first time since the shifter, sat at the table with Dean and picked up a newspaper. He watched her through his lashes as she sat, and their eyes connected long enough for Dean to smile and look away.

Sam was on his bed, doodling on a notepad, while Dean threw out a few odd news stories.

"Any of these things blowin' up your skirt, pal?" Dean asked.

Sam stared at his drawing, almost ignoring Dean.

"Wait. I've seen this," Sam said.

"Seen what?"

Sam got up and searched through John's journal. He pulled out a photo and compared it to his drawing.

"Dean, I know where we have to go next."

"Where?"

"Back home. Back to Kansas."

"Okay, random. Where'd that come from?"

Sam showed Dean his drawing. It was a tree, and it looked just like the one in the photo of his family in front of their old house. He thought the people that lived there were in trouble. When Dean asked why he thought so, Sam said he couldn't explain.

"Well, tough," Dean said as he stood next to Sam "I'm not going anywhere until you do."

Sam hesitated just a moment. "I have these nightmares."

"I've noticed."

"And sometimes... they come true."

"Come again?"

"I dreamt about Jessica's death for days before it happened."

"Sam, people have weird dreams, man. I'm sure it's just a coincidence," Dean said as he sat on the side of one of the beds.

"No, I dreamt about the blood dripping, her on the ceiling, the fire, everything, and I didn't do anything about it because I didn't believe it. And now I'm dreaming about that tree, about our house, and about some woman inside screaming for help. I mean, that's where it all started, man. This has to mean something, right?

Dean was overwhelmed. His voice came out in a whisper.

"I don't know."

Sam sat on the opposite bed, facing Dean.

"What do you mean you don't know, Dean? This woman might be in danger. I mean, this might even be the thing that killed Mom and Jessica!"

"All right, just slow down, would ya?" He stood and faced away from Sam for just a moment. "I mean, first you tell me that you've got the Shining? And then you tell me that I've gotta go back home? Especially when..."

Jenna had been watching Sam, but her eyes locked on to Dean when his voice broke off. She saw his lip tremble, though he fought to hide it.

"When what?" Sam asked.

"When I swore to myself that I would never go back there?"

Jenna could see how hard the idea of going home was to Dean. She looked away as he turned around.

"Look, Dean, we have to check this out," Sam said. "Just to make sure."

"I know we do."

"Does this mean I get to see your childhood home?" Jenna asked.

"Absolutely not," Dean said. The firmness was back in his voice. "If this is what killed our mom, you're not stepping foot in Lawrence, let alone the house."

"Dean-"

"End of discussion. Not happening."

Jenna stayed in a motel about an hour away from Lawrence. When Dean and Sam got back, their faces held a sadness.

"What happened?" she asked as she looked up from her seat at the small table. "Was there something in the house?"

"Yeah," Sam said.

"Are the people who live there okay?"

"Yeah," Sam answered again.

Sam sat on a bed, but Dean jingled his keys in his pocket.

"Let's hit the road... get away from here." He glanced at Jenna, then turned to leave. "I'll go check us out."

Jenna stared after him, then turned to Sam.

"What the hell happened?"

Sam looked at the floor as he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. "Our... our Mom's spirit was in the house."

"What?"

"And a poltergeist. Mom destroyed it... and destroyed herself in the process."

"You saw her?"

Sam's eyes welled up, and he sniffed as he nodded.

Jenna moved to sit on the bed opposite Sam. She put her hand over his.

"I'm so sorry."

Sam nodded. "We should be ready when Dean gets back."

Dean drove west, stopping only for gas, until the white lines on the road became blurred. He pulled into the first motel he could find and booked a room. They brought their bags inside, and Sam flopped onto a bed.

"I'm going for a beer," Dean said.

"Mind if I come?" Jenna asked.

Dean couldn't hide the surprise, or the slight smile on his face.

"Come on."

They sat at the bar in silence, two beers in and an hour passed. It was crowded, and the music from the jukebox could barely be heard over the steady thrum of conversation.

When the stool to Jenna's right was abandoned, it didn't take long for someone to sit down. The new man ordered a beer and turned to Jenna.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi."

"Haven't seen you here before."

"Just passing through."

"Understood. You here for the night? Maybe, we could-"

"Hey, buddy," Dean interrupted. "She's not interested."

"Says who?"

"Says me," Jenna said. "Thank you, but I'm with someone."

"This guy?" the man asked. "I've had my eye on you for a while. You two have barely even looked at each other."

"Your point?" Jenna asked.

"Okay, I get it, you're not interested. That's fine, but I don't believe for one minute you're with him. It just would have been nice if you had been honest with me."

The man stood and walked away. Jenna felt a little guilty. She was being honest. It wasn't her fault the guy assumed she meant Dean.

Jenna looked at Dean. "You've got one hell of a protective streak, Dean Winchester."

"Sorry."

"I appreciate it. I do. But there are some things I can handle on my own."

"I know."

They each took a sip from their beers. Dean turned his bottle slowly on the counter for a moment.

"You never push me to talk," he said.

Jenna shrugged. "I figure you'll talk if you want to."

"You know what I'd like to do?"

"Hmm?"

"Dance with you."

"What?" Jenna asked with a laugh.

"Normally, I'd be picking up a woman right about now, but with you here-"

"Then why did you let me come along?"

"It was the first time since the shifter that you seemed comfortable enough to be alone with me."

"Dean, I-"

"I don't know if you realize, but you and me... well, let's just say I like having you around, and the last few weeks have been hard."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You had every right to need space."

"And you gave it to me... as much our lifestyle can allow."

"I hope you know that I would never do any thing like that to you. I would never hurt you."

"I know."

Dean stood and put his hand out. Jenna hesitated, but took it and followed him to the jukebox. He made a selection, and ZZ Top's Rough Boy filled the air around them. He pulled Jenna's arms around his shoulders and wrapped his around her waist, resting his hands at the small of her back.

"I have to admit," Jenna said, "you never struck me as a guy who likes to dance."

"Yeah, well, it's as close to sex as I'll get tonight, so..."

Jenna laughed. "You're awful."

"I called Dad yesterday... from Lawrence."

"And?"

"No answer. I left him a message. I don't even know if he's getting them when I leave them."

Jenna looked up at Dean. "Sam told me your mom was there."

She felt his body go slack, as if he was deflated by the mention of Mary.

"She was... just as beautiful as I remember. She spoke to me. Just my name, but..." His eyes welled up and Jenna felt his arms tighten around her. "It's like losing her all over again."

Jenna pulled Dean's face down until her lips touched his forehead. Then she rested her head against his chest and held him tight.

They stayed that way as someone came over and selected another slow song. When that song ended, Dean pulled away.

"We should get some sleep."

"Yeah. You've been driving all day."

When they got back to the room, Sam was already asleep. Jenna let Dean shower first so he could get some rest.

In the shower, Dean thought about Jenna. He knew he couldn't make a move; not so soon after her attack. He had been so relieved when she asked to go to the bar with him, and they slipped into their comfortable silence. He had never had that with a girl before. To be able to sit and just be... he enjoyed that with her. He knew he couldn't push her away by trying to kiss her now. It would have to wait. Or she would have to make a move. The only thing Dean wasn't sure of was if she felt the same way toward him. He had to consider the possibility that she only saw him as a friend.


	16. Chapter 16

Jenna ran through the hospital halls looking for Dean's room. When she found it, she stopped. Sam had filled her in as he drove her from the motel. Dean's heart was weak. She had to compose herself to keep him calm. After a few deep breaths, she opened the door and peaked inside. Dean was asleep. She entered the room and closed the door with a quiet click, then sat in the chair next to Dean's bed.

Dean was pale, and dark circles beneath his eyes dulled their usual brightness.

Tears filled Jenna's eyes. She had lost her parents. She had all but lost John; had no idea where he was or if he was even still alive except for a text message he sent to Dean the week before.

In John's absence, Dean had become her friend. He had become her world, almost as John had. She couldn't lose Dean, too.

She placed her hand over his on the bed and lay her head next to it.

"Hey," Dean said. His voice was soft.

Jenna sat up and wiped her eyes. "Hey. I didn't mean to wake you up."

"It's okay."

"You need to rest."

"Rest won't make me better, Jenna."

Jenna squeezed his hand, and fresh tears stung her eyes.

"Hey, come here."

Dean tugged at her hand until she rose from the chair, then he pulled her arm to make her lie down next to him. Jenna rested her head on his chest and listened to his heart beating.

"Can I make a deathbed confession?"

""Oh, God... Dean, don't talk that way."

"I'm just trying to be realistic. I'm dying, Jenna. I've got a month. Tops. I just wanted to... I've seen the way you are with guys when they come around. You always turn them away. Even with me, you don't... I mean, we've done some pretty tame flirting, but that's it. So, I know that you don't... you know... but I like you, Jenna. I don't know what's held you back all this time, but if you had given me even the smallest hint that you were attracted to me, I would have kissed you a long time ago."

Jenna clutched at the bed sheet. "I never said I wasn't attracted to you... but I do have my reasons for not pursuing it."

"And that's fine. I understand. But if I'm gonna die, I'd like to go to my grave having kissed you."

She lifted herself up onto her elbow and looked at Dean. He wiped the tears from her cheeks with his thumb. She expected him to smile as she leaned toward him, but his face was solemn, and he stared at her lips until they met his. She kept it soft to make sure he didn't get excited. She didn't want to get his heart racing, like her own was threatening to do as his lips moved against hers.

She finally pulled away and rested her forehead against his, and her hand on his cheek. Dean closed his eyes with a contented hum.

"Are you okay?"

Dean smiled. "As good as I can be."

Jenna moved to get up, but Dean held her arm.

"Stay here."

Jenna lay back down with her head on Dean's chest. It was several minutes later when Jenna felt a shake. She opened her eyes, remembered where she was, and turned her head to see Sam standing above her.

"We have to go," Sam whispered.

Jenna noted the questioning look on Sam's face, but said nothing to explain why she was lying with Dean. She got up, careful not to wake him, and glanced back at his sleeping form as Sam led her out of the room.

At the motel, Sam called John. Once again, all he got was John's voicemail. He left a message about Dean being sick, but told John he would do whatever it took to make Dean better. There was a knock at the door a moment later, and Sam opened it to find Dean leaning against the door frame. He came into the room, leaning on anything he could find. Jenna went to him and helped him to a bed while Sam called him crazy for checking himself out of the hospital, and filled him in on what he had been doing to find a way to save him.

Sam took Dean to a faith healer, and Dean was healed, although it turned out there was more than faith behind the healings. Sam and Dean dropped Jenna off at a motel and investigated the recent healings and a few suspicious deaths. As usual, they figured out what was going on and dealt with it, but Dean was wasn't quite himself for a few days after.

A month passed. It was a month filled with near losses and cases that hit too close to home as Dean got a call from an old girlfriend, Sam's nightmares turned into daytime visions that led them to a family who experienced a death like Mary's, and then Sam went missing. Dean risked going to the police to help find him, and eventually did, locked in a cage by some backwoods weirdos who liked to hunt people instead of animals.

Neither of them mentioned the confession Dean made in the hospital, or the kiss that followed. They slipped back into the comfort of how they had always been.

Their next case bought them to Chicago. They began to suspect that what they thought was just another monster was actually connected to the thing that killed Mary and Jessica. Dean called John and filled him in by leaving the address of a warehouse on his voicemail, then they went to stake it out.

After they left, Jenna tried to occupy herself, but the thought that this was connected to whatever John was after had her more nervous than ever. She hated not knowing what was happening. She was pacing the room when there was a knock at the door. She stopped mid-stride and stared until there was another knock.

"Jenna?"

Her stomach dropped, and she ran to the door and flung it open. John backed her in and closed the door.

"John..." She stared at him with her mouth open, eyes wide.

"I can't tell if you're happy to see me or not."

Jenna stood on her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck as tears filled her eyes.

"I've missed you," she whispered.

"I missed you, too, sweetheart."

John lifted her from the floor and pulled her legs around his waist, then walked over to the sofa and sat with her in his lap.

"You got Dean's message?"

"Yes."

She pulled back, her hands on his face. "What about the other messages we all left?"

"I got all of them. I came when I could and checked on you from a distance. It was too dangerous to contact you."

"But you're here now."

"I had a feeling this was a trap... I had to come to make sure my boys are okay."

Jenna started to get up, but John pulled her back down.

"If it's a trap you should go help them!"

"They're fine. I've already been to the warehouse. I left before they saw me, in case anyone else was watching, but they're fine. They'll be here soon, I'm sure. I wanted to see you alone for a few minutes."

Jenna ran her thumbs over his beard. "You said you got all the messages?"

"I did," John said as he tucked a piece of hair behind Jenna's ear. "There was one I listened to at least twenty times before I deleted it."

"You deleted it?"

"I had to. It was too big a risk to leave it on my phone. But I listened to it over and over... your voice, what you said."

"I had to tell you. I know it was awful to say it over a voicemail, but you wouldn't answer our calls."

"I know. I memorized that message, though, and I heard you say it every night in my head before I went to sleep."

John pulled her lips to his and kissed her. It began soft, but the tension of being separated for so long, not knowing if they would ever be together again, spurred them into a heated tangling of tongues. John's hands slipped beneath her shirt and settled over her ribcage, with his thumbs brushing the underside of her breasts.

When Jenna moaned and rolled her hips, John pulled away.

"We can't. The boys will be here soon."

Jenna rested her forehead against his.

"I love you, so much," she said.

John took her face in his hands and made her look into his eyes.

"I love you, too, sweetheart. I do."

Jenna buried her face in his neck and kissed the skin there as she cried.

"Come on, sweetheart. We both need to compose ourselves before they get back. Why don't you go splash some water on your face while I, uh... walk this off."

John shifted his hips a little and Jenna felt what he was talking about. She smiled and kissed him one last time as she sat up.

"Don't walk too far."

"I won't."

Jenna went into the bathroom, and John walked around a bit until she returned. She took his hand and led him back to the sofa, but they sat next to each other this time, John with his back to the door.

"Is Dean taking care of you?"

"Just like you would. You've got great sons, John."

"You don't have to tell me."

"They both take after their father."

"That's debatable."

"No, it's not."

The sound of a key in the door stopped their conversation. Jenna saw Dean enter first, and his eyes fell on John's back.

"Hey!"

John stood and turned to face his sons.

"Dad?"

"Hey, boys."

Dean and John crossed the room to each other and hugged. Jenna saw relief on Dean's face. When they parted John looked to his younger son.

"Hi, Sam."

"Hey, Dad."

Dean launched into talking about the trap, and they talked for a few minutes about the demon. John told them that the demon had tried to stop him before. It knew that he wanted to kill it, not just send it back to hell. He was still working on how to do that. Sam asked to go with John so they could help, but John said it was too dangerous. After a moment, John brought up the fight he and Sam had the last time they saw each other, and he told him it was good to see him. They hugged, pulling a lot of tension out of the room.

The family reunion didn't last long. As soon as John and Sam parted, something sent John flying across the room. Sam was next, then Dean as he screamed, "No!"

Jenna tried to rush to John's side. He saw her coming toward him.

"Stay away!" He yelled as something invisible ripped into his clothes and skin. "Get out! Go!"

Just as Jenna reached him, she was knocked across the room.

"Shut your eyes!" Sam said. "These things are shadow demons, so let's light 'em up!"

He set off a flare, and the attack stopped. The entire room was filled with a blinding white light, and smoke. They all groped around for each other and the door.

When they made it to the Impala, Dean surprised them all.

"Dad, you can't come with us."

"What?" Sam and Jenna both said.

"What are you talking about?" Sam added.

"You boys," John said as he looked at them all with cuts on their faces, "and Jenna... you're all beat to hell."

"We'll be all right," Dean said.

"Dean, we should stick together," Sam said. "We'll go after those demons-"

"Sam! Listen to me! We almost got Dad killed in there. Don't you understand? They're not gonna stop. They're gonna try again. They're gonna use us to get to him. I mean, Meg was right. Dad's vulnerable when he's with us. He... he's stronger without us around."

"Dad... no. After everything... after all the time we spent looking for you. Please. I gotta be a part of this fight."

"Sammy, this fight is just starting. And we are all gonna have a part to play. For now, you've got to trust me, son. You've gotta let me go."

After a moment, Sam nodded and John started walking toward his truck, but Jenna ran after him and reached him before he opened the door.

"You can't go. I just got you back."

"You're safer this way."

"I don't care."

"Jenna..." he glanced at his boys and saw them watching, but he no longer cared. He put a hand to her face and swiped through a streak of blood with his thumb. "Do you realize you could have died in there?"

"Yes, but-"

"That's why I left you with Dean. What I'm doing now is too dangerous. If you stay behind, you're safe. And if I know you're safe, I can focus on keeping myself alive to come back to you."

Jenna grabbed his wrist and held his hand to her face. "I love you, John."

"I love you, too."

He leaned in for a soft kiss and pulled away so quick that Jenna leaned into the space he left behind. He opened his door and turned back to Sam and Dean.

"Be careful."

With those words, he climbed in his truck and drove away. Jenna watched the tail lights for a moment, then turned back to find Sam and Dean with wide eyes.

"Well," Dean said, "that explains a lot."

"Not now, Dean," she said as she walked past him.

She climbed into the back seat of the Impala and stared as the last bit of red light from John's truck faded around a corner.


	17. Chapter 17

The almost five hours they stayed on the road to get as far away from Chicago as possible was spent in near silence. Sam occasionally glanced at his brother, only to find him staring straight at the road ahead with his lips in a tight, thin line.

When Dean pulled into the motel parking lot he turned off the car and leaned over the backseat to grab his duffel from the floor. He sat it next to him and searched through it until he pulled out a cloth and a bottle of water.

"Dean," Sam said, "what are you doing?"

"Just hang on."

Dean got out of the car only to slip into the back seat next to Jenna. He poured some water onto the cloth, then took Jenna's face in one hand while wiping the wet cloth over it. Jenna stared at him with questioning eyes.

"We're a mess," Dean said as he motioned between himself and Sam. "We go in to get a room looking like this, the manager could call the cops. You've got one gash on your forehead, and it's stopped bleeding. I'll clean you up, and you can go book the room."

Jenna nodded, and Dean resumed his cleaning. Once he was done, he got back behind the wheel, and Jenna went inside. He watched the door, waiting for her to come back out, but he could feel Sam's eyes on him.

"What?"

"Nothing," Sam said.

"Well, then, maybe you could stop staring at me."

Sam's eyes settled on the door where Jenna had gone inside.

"Do you think Dad and Jenna were-"

"Don't say it."

"I was just going to ask if you think they were together when he left her with you."

"Probably."

"Why wouldn't she tell us?"

"Don't know."

Inside the room, Dean examined his wounds in the bathroom mirror. They wouldn't need stitches, but they were bad.

Jenna let her bag drop onto one of the beds and pulled out her first aid kit. Sam sat in the one chair in the room, legs spread, head back, with a deep sigh.

"Who's worse?" Jenna asked when Dean stepped out of the bathroom.

"Him," both brothers said at once.

"Okay, then," Jenna said. "I guess neither of you want my help."

She shoved her kit back into her bag.

"Jenna," Sam said, "that's not-"

"No, it's fine." She pulled a t-shirt and a pair of sweats from her bag. "I get the shower while you two tend to each other."

After Jenna was done, Sam took his turn in the shower. Dean was sitting in the chair, drinking a beer. He watched Jenna as she folded down the covers on her bed.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Jenna didn't turn around.

"Tell you what?"

"About you and Dad."

"It wasn't your business."

Jenna sat on the edge of the bed and brushed her hair.

"He's my dad."

"So?"

"And you knew I was..."

Jenna finally looked at him, and he looked away.

"Forget it."

Jenna sat for a moment, holding her brush in her lap.

"John was worried about telling you."

"Why?"

"A few reasons... but, mostly, he was worried you would be upset."

"Dad's a grown man. I don't care who he sleeps with."

"That's not-"

"If he hooks up with a girl half his age, good for him. Hell, I'm impressed! If I'm upset it's because I let myself-"

He stopped and ran a hand over his face.

"Dean... I never meant to make you think I was available. I'm sorry if I did."

"Oh, no. I got the 'not available' vibe from you. I just didn't know why."

Jenna noticed Dean was holding one arm close to his side.

"Is your shoulder hurt?"

"Sore. I landed on it."

"You need ice," she said as she stood. "I'll go get some."

When Jenna got back, Dean was in the shower, and Sam was lying on the bed. He sat up when Jenna dropped the ice bucket onto the dresser.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine," she said.

"You're a lousy liar."

She sat on the edge of her bed.

"John's gone, again, and Dean is angry with me. So, you're right. I'm not fine."

"I don't think Dean is angry with you."

"Yes, he is."

"No, I think he's mad at himself... and he's a little hurt. It's not hard to see that he likes you, Jenna."

"I know."

"Seeing Dad kiss you was a shock to me. So, you can imagine how Dean felt."

"I know," Jenna said as he stood and started to pace.

"Do you love him?"

"Who?"

"Dad."

"Very much." Jenna sat next to Sam on the bed. "Let me check your wounds before you go to sleep."

"Dean cleaned them up."

"For my peace of mind... please."

"Okay."

Jenna took Sam's face in her hands and turned it from side to side, examining the gashes on his cheek.

Dean came out of the bathroom, took one look at them, and scoffed.

"You're just working your way down the line, aren't you?"

"Dean!" Sam's eyes widened.

"It's okay, Sam," Jenna said.

"No, it's not."

"Yes, it is. Would you mind taking a walk for a minute so I can talk to him alone?"

"Sure."

Sam left and Dean lay down on the bed.

"I've got nothing to say, sweetheart."

"Good. You can listen. If I led you on in any way, I'm sorry. I didn't tell you about John, because he asked me not to. He said he would tell you when he was ready, and you're his son, so I respected those wishes."

"Why did you kiss me?"

Jenna froze. "You were dying, and you asked me to."

"So, that's it? A kiss for a dying man?"

"No!" Jenna stood and walked away before she turned to face him. "I thought I was losing my best friend!"

"What?"

"Other than John, you are the one person who has been there for me since my parents' deaths. Do you not understand how much you mean to me? I'm sorry if I hurt you. I'd rather die than hurt you. But it wasn't my place to tell you. I can't stand that you're mad at me. I don't wanna lose you over this."

The tears filled her eyes as she spoke, until they spilled down her cheeks. Dean walked to her and pulled her into a hug.

"You won't lose me."

He kissed the top of her head as she buried her face in his chest.

"I'm not really mad at you, anyway."

"Don't be mad at John, either."

"I'm not. I just... I thought we could have had something. You know?"

"Maybe we could have, but I can't-"

"I know."

Dean pulled her away a little and waited for her to look into his eyes.

"You love him, don't you?"

"I do."

"He's a lucky man. I'm sorry for how I was acting. I don't wanna lose you either."

Dean wiped the tears from her face, but his thumbs lingered on her cheeks as he stared at her. Jenna cleared her throat and pulled away.

"I'll go get Sam," she said. "There's ice on the dresser... for your shoulder."

"Thanks."


	18. Chapter 18

The guys took a few days off to recover from their wounds, and Jenna noticed a change in Dean. Despite his reassurances that they were okay, he was distant. His first trip to a bar, Jenna got up to go along, but Dean said he wanted to go alone. She knew the hurt had shown on her face, because Dean's eyes shifted to the floor, but she let him go. The next time was the same thing. She didn't try to go along after that.

Sam insisted that Dean just needed some space for a while to deal with the idea of her and John being together, but Jenna knew it was more than that. Dean had opened up enough for her to know that he had real feelings for her. Finding out about John that way hurt him, his pride included, though he would never admit it.

He would come in before sunrise, drunk off his ass, reeking of cheap perfume, and she would have to smell the awful mixture of whatever woman he had been with that night and alcohol, because he would collapse, unshowered, on the bed and pass out. Sam would wake up from the sudden jolt, look at Jenna and shake his head, and try to go back to sleep.

It wasn't until they went after the shtriga that she guilted him into spending time with her, and it was only him giving in to let her help on a case. They would be waiting for the monster in the next room with monitors, and she would help keep an eye on them. Dean barely said a word to her.

But the monster finally came. Sam and Dean charged in and filled the thing with bullets. It sank to the ground, and Dean walked toward it, checking on Michael, the young boy who had agreed to lure the creature in. Jenna came into the room just in time to see Dean get thrown across the room, then Sam. The thing wasn't dead. It grabbed Jenna, pinned her to the ground, and she felt the life draining out of her. She heard Dean's voice, a gunshot, then she sucked in a long breath.

"You okay?" Dean asked.

Jenna coughed, and nodded as she tried to sit up. Sam helped her off the floor while Dean checked on Michael again.

They left the next morning. Dean was quiet as he drove, except for the muttering he was doing. Occasionally he would glance in the rear view mirror at Jenna and shake his head. She kept quiet until she heard what he muttered.

"What was that?"

"I said you're stupid," Dean said.

"Excuse me?"

"You just strolled into that room like there was no monster."

"We all thought the monster was dead!"

"You shouldn't have been there in the first place!"

"Guys," Sam said, "chill out."

"Then why did you let me come along?"

Dean just shook his head.

"You can be a real asshole, sometimes, Winchester."

"Yeah, and you can be a real bitch."

"What have I done to earn that?"

"Guys!" Sam tried again.

Dean stared into the rear view mirror as he and Jenna shouted at each other, unaware of the curve in the road, or the on-coming truck.

"Dean!" Sam shouted and grabbed the wheel.

"Son of a bitch!"

Jenna white-knuckled the back of the front seat as the car flung right and Dean slid to a stop.

"You two are gonna get us killed!" Sam said. "Either chill out or find somewhere to deal with this, now."

Dean drove another half hour before they found a decent hotel not too far from the highway. Dean went inside to get the room, and Sam turned to Jenna.

"You okay?"

"No."

"You and Dean really need to sort out whatever's wrong between you. You two haven't been the same since..."

"Since Chicago. Since John."

Dean came out of the office. Jenna grabbed her bag from the floor and slid from the back seat.

"This whole thing is messed up."

She grabbed the key from Dean's hand, checked the room number and headed toward it. Dean stood staring after her until she stopped to unlock the door, then he followed with long, quick strides.

Sam watched the entire exchange, or lack of, from the car. When Dean went after her, Sam sank into his seat and ran his hands through his hair. He would wait before brining the bags in.

Jenna slammed the door, but Dean caught it by sticking his booted foot in. He slammed it closed.

"What the hell is your problem?" she asked. "You're acting like I screwed something up!"

"You did! That monster wasn't dead!"

"Oh, please! You thought it was dead, too! That's why it caught you off guard!"

"You shouldn't have been there! I should have left you in our room."

"I was not in danger."

"Bullshit!" Dean grabbed her by the shoulders so hard that he shook her. "You almost died! Don't you get that?"

"So, what would you care? You've been avoiding me for weeks!"

"What would I-?" He pushed her away and turned away from her. "What would I care?"

His hands ran though his hair as he swayed a moment, as if trying to decide if he should leave or face her again. He knew the smart thing to do would be to leave, but Dean never bragged about being smart. He turned back to her, took her face in his hands, and kissed her before she had a chance to protest.

Jenna's gut reaction was to push him away, but she barely lifted her hands to his shoulders before she reacted to the softness of his lips. Soft, but firm.

When Dean felt her relax, he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close. He leaned her back in his arms with the intensity of the kiss, and her fingertips skimmed his jaw.

He whispered her name against her lips, and that broke the spell. Jenna shook her head as he kissed down her neck, and she pushed at his shoulders.

"We have to stop. What are we doing?"

Dean pulled back, but held her tight around her waist.

"You kissed me back."

"I know I did! I shouldn't have! Let me go!"

Dean let her go, but caught her wrist when she started toward the door.

"You want me."

"I never said I didn't, you jackass! Are you that dense? I can't do this, because I'm with someone else."

"Yeah, no kidding!"

"I thought we could work through this. I thought our friendship could overcome any attraction we had for each other..."

She looked at him, and Dean saw the tears building in her eyes.

"I was wrong," she said, her voice much softer than before. "Let me go. You can go back to avoiding me."

"Jenna, I don't-"

"Please... Let go of my arm."

Dean let her go, and she flung the door open. Sam ran toward her as she crossed the parking lot.

"What happened?"

"I'm going for a walk," she said without stopping or looking at him. "I'll be back later."

Sam slowed his pace, then went back to the car to grab his and Dean's bags. Inside the room, he found Dean sitting on the edge of a bed, hunched over with his head in his hands.

"What the hell happened?"

Dean ran a hand through his hair, then stared straight ahead.

"I screwed up."


	19. Chapter 19

The tension was thick between Dean and Jenna over the next couple of weeks as they avoided each other as much as possible. She never got anywhere close to another hunt.

They were in Colorado, and Jenna was lying on a bed in the motel room, just staring at the ceiling, when the door opened. She didn't bother to look until a familiar voice made her heart beat faster.

"Hey, sweetheart."

She took one look at John standing in the doorway, and was on her feet and in his arms in seconds. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders. One of his hands went to the small of her back, while the other held her face as they kissed.

He had shaved. Just an overgrown stubble graced his face.

A throat cleared, and Jenna pulled away. Sam smiled at her as he came in the room, then she turned back to John.

"I missed you," she said.

"I miss you, too, sweetheart."

"Are you helping with this case?"

"Yeah."

"Did you figure out what it is?"

"Vampires."

"Vampires?"

"Crazy, right?" Sam said.

Jenna looked between John and Sam, then her eyes shifted to the door.

"Where's Dean?"

"He went to get food," John said. He pressed his forehead to Jenna's. "I couldn't wait to see you," he whispered.

"Can we go somewhere alone?"

John shook his head. "Sorry, sweetheart. This case is important. I have to listen to the police scanner for a while."

Jenna nodded, and John pulled away. His body language changed as he got to business, and he and Sam discussed their plans.

When Dean arrived, his eyes landed on Jenna. She was lying on the bed again, while John and Sam sat at a desk. When her eyes met his, he looked away.

They all ate, then John insisted Dean and Sam get some rest while he listened to the scanner. Jenna tried to sleep, too, but she couldn't get her eyes to close with John there. She was almost afraid he would be gone when she woke up. She sat up and watched John play with a pen while he listened for a lead. When he looked up at her, she smiled and crooked her finger at him.

John's eyes shifted over to the bed with his boys, and he shook his head.

"Just lie next to me," she whispered.

After a moment of hesitation, John lay next to her on his side with the radio on the pillow behind him. Jenna moved into his arms and snuggled her face into the crook of his neck. She took a deep breath, inhaling his scent as if trying to commit it to memory. As she let the breath out, a tear slipped from her eye.

"I don't like being apart," Jenna said.

"I know, sweetheart. Neither do I."

He kissed her head, and squeezed her tighter. They stayed that way, in silence, until John heard something on the police scanner. He kissed Jenna's head and pulled himself away. Jenna groaned, but let him go.

John woke Sam and Dean, and they were gone within seconds.

Jenna spent the time thinking of the tension she felt from Dean, just the few minutes they were all together. She knew they couldn't go on this way. Something had to give, and he wasn't giving up John. But could she really expect Dean to be okay with her being with his dad after she admitted her attraction for Dean? She knew if it were any other man, Dean would be putting up a fight. He put up a small one when he kissed her, but even that was in the heat of the moment. It was only his loyalty to his dad holding him back.

John and Sam came back again without Dean. This time, John sent him on an errand. He winked at Jenna as he walked in the room, but didn't go to her. He sat at the desk and picked up some papers. Sam paced the room.

"It shouldn't be taking this long," Sam said. "I should go help."

"Dean's got it," John said.

But Sam continued to pace. Jenna watched a moment before her eyes shifted to John, and he glanced at her.

"Jenna, sweetheart, would you mind grabbing me a soda from the vending machine?"

"Sure."

Jenna took her time after she was out of the room. It wasn't hard to take the hint that John wanted to talk to Sam about something in private. She glanced over the selections in the machine, searching for John's favorite.

She paused with her finger on the button. How did she come to know this man so well, so quickly? Even after so much time apart. She still didn't know much about his past, but she knew him, the man he had become, and she loved him.

So, what was with the attraction to Dean? If she had met Dean before John, would things have been different?

It really didn't matter. Things weren't different. She was in love with John.

The rumble of an engine pulled her from her thoughts. She pressed the drink selection, pulled out the can, and turned in time to see Dean getting out of the car. She walked toward the room and their paths crossed.

"Can we talk a minute?" she asked.

"I have to get this to Dad." He held up a brown paper bag.

"Just a minute. Please?"

Dean sighed and shifted his weight. "Talk."

"I miss the way we used to be."

"Sweetheart, that ship has sailed."

"I told you that I don't want to lose you, and told me you didn't want to lose me, either. Did you mean that?"

"Yes."

"Then why are you pushing me away?"

"You know why, Jenna."

"No, I don't. Why can't we go back to us being friends, like when you thought I just wasn't interested?"

"Because you are interested, and I know it now."

"Dean, nothing can happen between us. I'm in love with John."

"Yeah, I've heard that before. I think it's better for us if we keep this all business."

"I don't think I like that very much."

"Honestly, Jenna, I don't give a shit what you like. You can't have it both ways."

Dean walked around her and into the motel room.

When Jenna went inside a moment later, the three men were getting things ready to go after the vampires again. She sat the soda can on the desk and put a hand on John's arm.

"Can I see you outside for a minute?" she whispered.

John stared at her a moment, then followed her outside.

"Everything okay?"

"We haven't had any time alone."

John wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her head.

"I know, sweetheart."

Jenna undid the button on John's jeans, and heard him groan.

"What are you doing?" his voice was suddenly deep.

"I haven't touched you in months. I've missed you so much."

She slipped her hand into John's boxers, and he backed her up against the wall.

"We shouldn't be doing this right now."

His eyes shut as her fingers wrapped around him, and he rested his forehead against hers.

"No? Then, when? You'll probably leave when this case is over." She kissed him. "Just let me touch you."

John kissed her, then mouthed along her jaw to her ear.

"It's a shame you don't wear skirts."

"I could buy some... if you promise to stick around."

John took hold of her wrist and stilled her hand.

"I can't promise that. You know that."

Jenna pulled her hand from John's pants and took his face in both hands.

"Then promise me we'll spend some time together before you leave again. Real time together... alone."

John covered one of her hands with his and smiled.

"I promise."

John kissed her again, letting it linger as she buttoned his jeans.

"We should go back inside," she said.

"Only if you walk in front of me until I can sit down."

John smiled, and Jenna laughed.

"Sorry."

"I'm not," John said. "I just wish we had time to finish."

"Me, too. You come back to me safe, and we'll make time."

"You got it, sweetheart."


	20. Chapter 20

Jenna shoved her things into her duffle, angrier than she could have imagined.

When the guys returned from the hunt, John gave the order to pack up. He wanted to get as far away from the remaining vampires as possible. Jenna knew once they were on the road, John would go his own way, and it pissed her off.

"So, boys..."

Sam and Dean turned to face John, but Jenna stood with her back to him.

"Yes, sir," Sam said.

"You ignored a direct order back there."

"Yes, sir."

"Yeah, but we saved your ass," Dean said.

The room was quiet for a moment. Even Jenna knew that Dean never talked back to John.

"You're right."

"I am?"

"It scares the hell out of me. You're all I've got. But I guess we are stronger as a family. So... we go after this damn thing. Together."

Jenna finally turned to face him.

"You're sticking with us?" she asked.

"Yeah, sweetheart. I'm staying."

She almost ran into his arms, but she saw Dean roll his eyes.

"Can I ride with you?" she asked.

"I insist on it," John said with a grin.

Dean turned back to his duffle and mumbled, "Get a room."

"We will," John said as he winked at Jenna.

Jenna's eyes shifted to Dean. She was really trying not to rub her and John in his face, but John didn't know that. He just thought his love life was making his son uncomfortable.

"Everybody ready?" John asked.

"Yes, sir," Sam and Dean said together.

Jenna nodded.

Once they were on the road, John tugged Jenna's arm.

"Come here."

She slid as close to his side as she could get as he wrapped his arm around her.

"Everything okay with you and Dean?"

"Y-yeah, why?"

"Feels like there's a lot of tension between you two."

How could she tell him? He was always so insecure about their age difference. To tell him she was attracted to his son...

"I guess we've just been cooped up together too long. Riding with you should help."

She kissed his cheek, and John smiled.

"And the separate room," she added, "if you were serious about that."

"Oh, I was serious, sweetheart. We need some time alone. Long overdue."

"So...," Jenna rubbed her hand over John's thigh, "where we headed?"

"Just over into Colorado. Far enough for those vampires to lose our scent."

"Then I can have you tonight?"

John glanced at Jenna, and she smiled. He rubbed his hand up the inside of her thigh, and squeezed.

When they checked into the motel, John booked two rooms. They all went into his as he set up his work. All his notes and papers were spread around the room. He told them everything he knew, and how he picked up on the trail of the demon.

"And that's when you took off," Dean said.

John looked to Jenna. His face held an unspoken apology. "Yeah. That's right."

John explained that more families had deaths in the babies' nurseries, just like Mary died in Sam's. He had figured out signs that always appeared before the demon, but he was never able to make it in time to save anyone. He looked down, and guilt played over his face, as if he himself had caused those people to die.

"These signs, they're starting again."

"Where?" Sam asked.

"Salvation, Iowa."

"So, what do we do?" Sam asked.

"Tonight, we rest. We were up all night, and we need to be on our game here. We'll head out in the morning."

Dean glanced at Jenna as he turned to leave. He and Sam left, and Jenna stared at the door until she felt John's arms wrap around her waist from behind. She rubbed her hands over his arms and he pulled her tighter against him and kissed her neck.

"Damn, I've missed you, sweetheart."

"Do you have any idea... how much it hurt to wake up and find you gone that way?"

John pulled back and turned her to face him.

"I'm sorry, Jenna. It was the best I could do at the time. I didn't want to leave you, but I wanted you safe."

"Don't ever do that to me again. If you have to leave, tell me. Don't sneak out."

"Truth is, I was a coward. I knew if I told you, I'd take one look at you and... I'd either end up staying and putting you in danger, or I'd end up hurting you to make a clean break. I took the easy way out."

"You're far from a coward, John."

"Not that night."

He took her hand and led her to the bed. He pulled her down next to him and into his arms as he lay down on top the covers.

"You remember the note I left you?"

"Of course."

"That wasn't the first one I wrote."

Jenna leaned up on her elbow to face him.

"I wrote a few before that one," he said. "I tore them up. In a couple of versions of that letter, I told you I love you."

"Why didn't you leave that?"

"I thought it was cruel, to be honest. To tell you I love you for the first time in a letter telling you I'm leaving... and I knew I might not come back."

Jenna sat up.

"You weren't ever planning on coming to get me in New Orleans, were you?"

"I thought I was going to my death, Jenna. I still believe that. When we find this demon... I don't think I'll make it out alive."

"Then don't go after it."

"I have to," John said as he sat up.

"Why?"

"You know why. Mary, Jessica, all the people this thing has killed... It has to die. And to get that done, I might have to-"

Jenna put her fingers over his lips.

"Don't you dare die on me, John Winchester."

He pulled her hand away.

"I'm gonna do whatever it takes to destroy this thing. That's why I left you with Dean... in case something happens to me. I knew he would look after you. Now I'm wondering if that was such a good idea."

"Why?"

"You two seem to be having some issues."

"We're fine."

Jenna scooted closer to John and kissed his neck.

"Did you sleep with him?" he asked.

Jenna pulled back, eyes wide.

"Are you kidding me?"

"I've seen the kid work. He's a charmer."

"No! I didn't sleep with him."

"But you kissed him."

Jenna narrowed her eyes at him.

"Something happened between you two. There's too much tension. Just tell me."

"Yes." Jenna got up and paced. "He kissed me... and I kissed him back. But I stopped it, I swear!"

John got up and wrapped his arms around her. He held her head against his chest and pressed his lips into her hair.

"It's okay, sweetheart."

"It's not okay."

"Look, I understand. You didn't know where I was or if I was coming back-"

"Just stop." Jenna pulled out of his arms. "I don't want you to be okay with this. I wouldn't be if the situation were reversed. I hurt Dean."

"Dean's a big boy. He'll get over it."

"How can you be okay with this?"

"We lead complicated lives, sweetheart. Would you prefer it if I went all caveman and showed you you're mine and no one else's?"

"Yes, actually!"

John laughed.

"I don't find this funny, John."

"It's not funny. I just- Look, I sent you to Dean knowing there was a chance this would happen."

"What?"

"I told you, I've seen the kid in action. He's got a way with women. He's a good-lookin' kid, and he's your age. He's not an old man, like me."

"You are not an old man."

"I considered the possibility that Dean would sweep you off your feet, and if I did get back to you, you would have moved on."

"John," she said as she put a hand to his face, "I love you."

"But you're attracted to-"

"And I'm sure to there are people you're attracted to. I. Love. You. I'm not moving on. Not while there's any chance of us being together."

John put his hands on her hips, and Jenna's hand slid down his neck to rest on his chest.

"You know," he said, "if it were anyone else, I would go completely caveman." He slipped a hand into her hair. "Because as long as there's a chance for us to be together, you are mine."

Jenna smiled. "That's what I wanna hear."

John pulled her lips to his as he backed her toward the bed. Jenna began removing his clothes, and he followed her lead. They slid between the sheets and John pulled Jenna's hand to his growing erection.

"How about we pick up where we left off?"

Jenna smiled as John kissed her, and she gently stroked him. He pulled from the kiss, caressing Jenna's face and staring into her eyes as he fought to keep his open.

"I love you, John."

"I love you, too, sweetheart."

Jenna leaned down to kiss his chest, and she flicked her tongue over his nipple. John hissed, then groaned.

"Ohhh, baby, I missed you," he moaned.

Jenna pushed him flat on his back and straddled his hips. She kissed up his chest and neck to his ear.

"You're mine, too, you know."

"I know it, darlin'."

"Good."

John pulled Jenna back so he could look into her eyes as her hair fell around him. His thumb brushed over her cheek, and she couldn't help but smile.

"You wanna stare at me or make love to me?"

"Both."

"Well, then..."

Jenna lifted herself and sank down onto John's shaft. She took her time, enjoying each inch as he filled her, then she leaned forward.

John's mouth hung open, and he thrust up to meet her as she pushed back onto him.

"How's this?" she asked.

He ran his hand through her hair.

"Perfect."

After a while, John wrapped his arms around her and held her close against him as he picked up his pace. He kissed and licked at her neck, and grazed his teeth over her pulse point. Jenna's knees dug into John's sides as wave after wave hit her. John felt those waves a few minutes later.

He held her on top of him and rubbed his hands up and down her back. He sighed and kissed her head.

"If I weren't so worried about keeping you safe, I'd take you with me everywhere."

"I know," she whispered.

"I don't know why you fell in love with me, but I'm glad you did."

Jenna lifted her head, and kissed his chin.

"I fell in love with you, because you are strong, and brave, and so, so sexy."

John chuckled. "I'm a mess."

"So was I when you found me. I don't know what I would have done without you after that night, John. You saved me in more ways than one."

John kissed her, then ran his fingers through her hair.

"Promise me something," he said. "If... I'm saying 'if'... anything would happen to me-"

"John-"

"Jenna, this is important to me. I want you to promise me that you won't mourn me like I mourn Mary. I know we haven't been together long, but... I know how you make me feel, and I've seen the way you look at me. You're young. You've got a lot of love in you. Don't hold it in."

"I don't wanna talk about this."

She lowered her head to his chest, but John lifted it back up to look at him.

"Promise me."

Jenna stared at him as he held her face in his hands,. His eyes showed just how serious he was. Jenna nodded.

"I promise. But I won't promise to stop loving you."

"I didn't ask you to," John said with a smile.


	21. Chapter 21

Sunlight filtered in through a small part in the curtains. Jenna stretched, and felt a strong arm encircle her waist. Lips kissed the back of her neck, and she pressed into the warm body behind her.

"Am I actually waking up in your arms?"

"Good morning, sweetheart. How'd you sleep?"

"Best night's sleep in months."

"Same here."

With a hand to her chin, John turned her face toward him and kissed her. His thumb brushed over her cheek before he slipped his fingers into her hair.

They stayed that way for a while, kissing and holding each other. Jenna raked her fingers through the hair on his chest. She had to pull away to catch her breath, and John kissed all over her face and neck.

"Can we just stay here?" Jenna whispered.

John pressed his forehead to hers and took a deep breath.

"Jenna..."

"I know... I know."

"I wish I could give you everything you want, sweetheart."

Jenna pulled back and looked into his eyes.

"I just want you."

"You have me. Even if I'm not around."

"I don't want to think about that. You're here now."

"Yes, I am."

They kissed again until John insisted they get up. He got out of bed, but Jenna just stared at him. Her eyes lingered over his body until they met his, and they both smiled. John went back to her, threw the covers aside, and lay on top of her.

"Maybe we have a little extra time."

They made love once more, and whispered I love yous while they held each other, until their breathing became normal again.

John found his pants and pulled them on to try to avoid temptation again, then he called Sam and Dean to wake them up.

Quick showers, and they were on the road in search of a quick breakfast.

It wasn't far outside of Salvation that John got a call on his cell. He slammed his fist against the steering wheel and found a place to pull over. Dean followed in the Impala, and they all got out.

He explained to them that Caleb called to tell him that Pastor Jim Murphy was dead, his throat slashed. It was definitely a demon.

"Now we act like every second counts. There's two hospitals and a health center in this county. We split up, cover more ground. I want records. I want a list of every infant that's going to be six months old in the next week."

"Dad," Sam said, "that could be dozens of kids. How do we know which one's the right one?"

"We check 'em all, that's how. You got any better ideas?"

"No, sir."

Back in the truck, Jenna let John pull back onto the road, then she reached out for his hand.

"You okay?"

John shook his head. "Jim was... He helped me and the boys so much. He was a good friend, and a good man."

"I'm sorry."

"This has to stop." He squeezed her hand. "I'm dropping you off at a different motel."

"Why?"

"You know why. I want you safe. These things have been following me. They know I'm close."

"Wouldn't I be safer with you than alone?"

"No... you wouldn't."

John found a good motel for Jenna, and got her checked in. Inside her room, he lay an extra duffle on the bed.

"Salt the door and windows after I leave. You've got the basics in this bag. You know how to use them."

"Everything except the gun."

"The gun is a last resort. It would draw too much attention."

John pulled Jenna into his arms, and kissed the top of her head.

"I love you, sweetheart."

"Don't you dare say goodbye to me right now."

"I'm just saying 'I love you.'"

Jenna took his face in her hands.

"I love you, too."

They kissed for a moment, until John pulled out of her arms. He let his lips linger just a bit longer as he caressed her face. Then he was gone.

Jenna stayed in her room alone for three days. She paced the floor, and barely slept, waiting for a phone call, or even a text to let her know they were all okay.

When the phone call finally came, it was Sam.

"Pack up and check out. I'll be there in five minutes."

He hung up before she could say anything.

When they got to the hospital, Sam had to stop Jenna from running to John's room, but she was the first to walk through the door. John looked up in surprise and addressed Sam as he walked in.

"What the hell is she doing here?"

"What am I doing here? Are you kidding me?"

"She's got a right to be here, Dad. You're hurt. Dean's dying-"

"I'm working on that," John said.

"Are you?"

"Of course I am. But we're not out of danger. Jenna shouldn't be here."

"Don't talk about me like I'm not standing right next to you, John."

"You shouldn't be here. It's too dangerous."

"Well, you would know, wouldn't you?" Sam said.

"What are you talking about?"

"That stuff from Bobby... you don't use it to ward off a demon, you use it to summon one. You're planning on bringing the demon here, aren't you? Having some stupid macho showdown?"

Jenna's eyes widened. "John-"

"I have a plan, Sam."

"That's exactly my point! Dean is dying, and you have a plan! You know what, you care more about killing this demon than you do saving your own son!"

"Do not tell me how I feel! I am doing this for Dean."

"Guys, stop!"

Jenna yelled, but John and Sam kept at each other until a glass of water flew off of John's bedside table and crashed to the floor. Silence filled the room as they stared at one another.

When a group of doctors and nurses rushed past the room, the moment was gone.

John motioned toward the door with his head. "Something's going on out there."

When Sam left to see what was happening, Jenna ran her hand through John's hair, then walked around to the other side of the bed where his arm wasn't hurt. She stared at him a moment, until he said her name, then she flung her fist into his shoulder.

John lurched as Jenna pulled back and punched him again.

"You stupid ass!"

"Jenna-"

He turned his face away, but didn't try to defend himself as she wailed at his arm, chest, and back.

"You wanted Sam to kill you!"

"I had the thing in me!"

"You had yourself in you! You stupid, selfish..."

Her words trailed off, but she kept punching until tears flowed from her eyes, and her arms got heavy. She turned to the window and choked back a sob.

"You're a selfish bastard."

"Jenna... to let this thing go on killing, that would be selfish. I told you, over and over, I don't plan to make it out of this fight alive."

"Just shut up. I'm so mad at you right now. Did you think about me at all? About your kids?"

"You three are all I think about."

"Then how could you-"

"To keep you safe!"

Sam came back into the room and Jenna turned away and wiped her eyes.

Sam told them it was Dean the doctors were rushing to help, and Sam thought he felt Dean in the room.

"I mean, do you think his spirit could be around?"

"Anything's possible."

"Well, there's one way to find out," Sam said.

"Where are you going?"

"I gotta pick something up. I'll be back."

"Wait, Sam. I promise I won't hunt this demon. Not until we know Dean's okay."

Sam nodded and left.

John looked at Jenna, whose hands gripped the side of his bed, and he ran his hand down her arm.

"I won't tell you not to be mad at me... and I'm not happy Sam brought you here, but... since you're here... lie with me?"

Jenna took a breath, as if to say something, but she climbed next to John and snuggled into his side.

"Do you know how much it hurts to know you wanted to die."

"Jenna... if there were another way at the time, I would have taken it. It's not like I'm trying to commit suicide, here. It was in me. Killing me would have killed it. It's like a soldier throwing himself on a grenade. It's a sacrifice."

"I'm not okay with that."

He kissed her head. "I'm sorry."


	22. Chapter 22

Jenna closed her eyes and focused on her hand rising and falling on John's chest as he breathed. She was thankful he was alive, but Dean's life was hanging by a thread. It took everything in her not to break down in the car on the way to the hospital as Sam filled her in. She decided to see John first, to see with her own eyes that he was okay, before she saw Dean. She had been down that road with Dean, lying in his hospital bed with him telling her goodbye. She couldn't bear to do it again.

"Have you seen Dean?" she asked John.

"I sat with him while Sam was gone."

"Is it as bad as Sam said?"

"Yeah... he's a little banged up on the outside, but... all the bad damage is internal. That demon made me-"

"Don't."

"It was in me, Jenna."

"But it wasn't you. Sam told me you fought it."

"I was too late."

"If you were too late Dean would already be gone."

Jenna sat up.

"Let's go see him," she said.

"I'm tired, sweetheart. But you go. I'm gonna rest."

"You sure?"

John nodded, and Jenna kissed him before she went to Dean's room. She took a breath before she went in, and slowly let it out as she pulled a chair next to his bed.

"I'm probably the last person you want to see... but I had to see you."

She took his hand in hers, and found some relief in the warmth of his skin against hers.

"You won't listen to me when you're awake, so I hope you can hear me now. I never... never meant to hurt you. I can't even begin to tell you how much I care about you... and it kills me that I ruined what we had. I should have told you about me and John when I started to see how you felt, but I didn't think you cared about me that much. I didn't want to ruin your image of John... they all sound like stupid excuses, I know, but... hindsight, I guess."

She wiped a tear from her cheek and squeezed his hand.

"You wake up, and I'll leave. I know you've been wanting me gone, so I'll go. Just wake up."

A knock on the door made her drop Dean's hand and wipe her tears away. She turned to see Sam standing in the doorway.

"I didn't mean to interrupt. I can come back."

"No. He's your brother. I'll leave."

"Actually, why don't you stay? This might work better with two."

"What might?"

Sam turned to the room.

"Dean... I think maybe you're around. And if you are, don't make fun of me for this, but... well, there's one way we can talk."

Sam pulled out a talking board and set it up on the floor in front of Dean's bed. Jenna sat to the side of it, and they both put their fingertips on the pointer.

"Dean, are you here?"

The pointer moved to "Yes" on the board.

"Did you move that?" Jenna asked.

"No." Sam let out a breath. "It's good to hear from you, man. It hasn't been the same without you, Dean."

The pointer moved again, from letter to letter.

"Dean, what? H... U... Hunt? Hunting? Are you hunting?"

The pointer slid back to "Yes" on the board.

Sam asked what Dean was hunting, and he spelled out R-E-A-P.

"A reaper. Dean, is it after you?"

The pointer slid back to "Yes."

"If it's here naturally, there's no way to stop it."

Sam and Jenna sat silently for a moment before the pointer moved again. J-E-N

"You want Jenna?"

The pointer slid back to "Yes."

Jenna was surprised. "I'm here."

S-T-A-Y

Jenna's hands left the pointer and covered her mouth as tears threatened to spill. She stood from the floor and took her place again in the chair by Dean's bedside, his hands in hers once more.

"I'll stay."

Sam put a hand on her shoulder. "I'll go get dad. He'll know what to do about the reaper."

Jenna nodded and let the tears fall.

Sam returned a few minutes later.

"Hey. So, Dad wasn't in his room, but I got Dad's journal, so who knows? Maybe there's something here."

Sam was flipping through the pages of John's journal when Dean woke with a gasp. Machines beeped as he struggled to breathe around the tube in his throat, and Sam yelled for help. When the staff came in, Jenna and Sam were pushed out until the doctor realized that Dean was fine. He was breathing on his own, talking with no problems. The doctor ordered more tests, and they all said Dean was fine, as if he weren't dying just hours before.

As the doctor delivered the news, Jenna grabbed Dean's hand without thinking, and he squeezed back.

It wasn't until the doctor was gone that he pulled away and looked at Sam.

"What's she doin' here? Does Dad know she's here?"

"I brought her. I thought she had a right to be here, considering. And no, Dad didn't want her here, either, but he knows."

Dean looked to Jenna. "You shouldn't be here. It's too-"

"Dangerous. Yeah, I got that speech. When the two people I care most about in this world are hurt and dying, maybe I don't care about the danger."

"Well, you should," John said from the doorway. He smiled at Dean. "How you feeling, dude?"

"Fine, I guess. I'm alive."

"That's what matters."

"Where were you last night?" Sam asked.

"I had some things to take care of."

"Well, that's specific. Did you go after the demon?"

"No."

"You know, why don't I believe you right now?"

"Can we not fight? You know, half the time we're fighting, I don't know what we're fighting about. We're just butting heads. Sammy, I... I've made some mistakes. But I've always done the best I could. I just don't want to fight anymore, okay?"

Sam's eyes narrowed. "Dad, are you all right?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm just a little tired. Hey, son, would you, uh... would you mind getting me a cup of caffeine?"

"Yeah. Yeah, sure."

"Jenna... Would you go with him?"

Jenna put a hand on his arm and whispered. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I wanna talk to Dean."

She nodded and followed Sam out of the room, but once they were down the hall she stopped him.

"You go ahead. Something's not right with John."

"Yeah, he's definitely off."

"I'll wait outside Dean's room."

The door was still open, and she heard John apologizing for putting too much on Dean when he was so young. He told him he was proud of him, and to watch over Sam and Jenna.

When he came out a moment later, he had tears in his eyes.

"You leaving us again?" she asked.

"You shouldn't eavesdrop."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Jenna, I don't wanna fight with you, either. Can we not do this?"

"What's up with you?"

"I'm just tired of all the fighting."

John pulled her into his arms and held her to his chest for a moment.

"I love you, sweetheart."

"I love you, too."

He kissed her, a soft, lingering kiss, before he pulled away.

"You stay with Dean. I'll be in my room, waiting for my coffee."

Jenna nodded. She watched John walk away then went back to Dean's bedside.

"So," she said, "Sam said you don't remember anything from when you were unconscious."

"Not a thing. Last thing I remember is the accident. Barely. I was pretty out of it at that point.

"I'm so glad you're okay. Still a little banged up, but-"

"Yeah, I'm sore as hell. It's weird though. If I was as bad off as you're all saying... something isn't right."

Jenna stared at the floor. She wanted to talk to Dean about him asking her to stay, but he didn't even remember it. He wasn't pushing her away now, but that didn't mean anything had changed.

Sam came into the room and went straight to Dean and started getting him out bed.

"Dad's hurt. Doctors are working on him."

"What happened?" Dean asked.

"I don't know. He was lying on the floor in his room. When they got him hooked up to the machines..."

He hefted Dean up and helped him get sturdy on his feet.

"What?" Jenna said.

"He's flat lined."

When they got to John's room, a team was trying to resuscitate him, but the long, steady tone in the air gave no hope. The doctor called the time of death.

Jenna clutched at the doorframe to hold herself steady, covering her mouth in shock. She tried to blink away the tears that blurred John's image, then decided to let them come. Maybe they could wash the image away. This horrible image of the man she loved lying dead, when just minutes ago he kissed her and told her he loved her.


	23. Chapter 23

Sam and Dean worked in silence, building the platform for John's funeral.

Funeral wasn't quite the right word, but every time Jenna thought about burning John's body she broke down. She sat next to his lifeless form after the guys laid him on the ground. They wanted to wrap him first, but Jenna asked for these last few moments with him.

She caressed his face, no longer warm to the touch, then leaned down and pressed her forehead to his.

"You knew this would happen," she whispered. "You tried to prepare me, but there's no pre-" her voice caught in her throat. "I will always love you."

"We're ready for him," Dean said. His voice was quiet, but firm.

Jenna nodded and stood. She refused to look away while Sam and Dean prepared John's body. She needed the closure. She spent so much time wondering if John would come back to her. The answer was definite now. John was gone. She couldn't let herself believe otherwise.

The flames rose up around his body. When his wrapping caught, Jenna could no longer hold back the tears. She turned away, but Sam caught her hand and held it tight.

They spent the next week at Bobby's. He gave Jenna a spare bedroom, and that was where she stayed, crying and sleeping. The rare occasion she came out of the room was to eat and shower.

She would sometimes pace the room or stare out of the window. One window looked out over the yard where Dean was working on the Impala. Day and night, he worked to bring his car back to life.

They hadn't spoken since the hospital. Not really. Sam asked her how she was holding up, even though he knew the answer. But Dean was a different story. Nothing was said outside of the occasional offer to pick up food if they happened to be in the kitchen at the same time. He never went to her room, and she never went outside. They were both feeling the loss. They may have been able to comfort each other before, back when their friendship was good, but the pain of their situation only worsened the loss of John.

She was lying on the bed when there was a knock on the door.

"Come in."

"Hey," Sam said. "How you holdin' up?"

Jenna chuckled, and Sam smiled.

"Sorry. I guess I ask you that a lot."

"I appreciate the thought."

"Yeah, well... I got into Dad's voicemail. There's an old message on here from a woman named Ellen. You know her?"

"No."

"The message said she could help Dad. Dean and I are gonna go find her and talk to her. You wanna come?"

Jenna looked toward the window where she knew Dean was working on his car outside.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea. We're all hurting, and Dean and I... it's just not a good idea."

"Are you sure? You're still a part of this. Dad would want us to look out for you."

Jenna nodded. "I appreciate that, Sam. I do. But I think it'll be best for me to stay here this time."

During the few days the guys were away, Jenna stayed downstairs more. She talked to Bobby and learned a little about what he did, then offered her help.

"You know, I helped John with research a lot."

"I appreciate that, but I don't want you feelin' obligated-"

"You'd be helping me out. Seriously, Bobby. I have to stop dwelling on John being gone. Please."

Bobby nodded and filled her in on a few of the cases he was researching for other hunters.

When Sam and Dean got back, Dean picked up with his car again. The tension between them hadn't lessened at all with their time apart, as Jenna had hoped.

Jenna did all she could to help Bobby out, and take her mind off of her grief in the process. It helped the days go faster, until Dean finally had his car fixed up. She was sitting at the kitchen table with a book when Dean came in with Sam on his heels, talking about a case.

"Awesome. Let's go. Grab Jenna."

At the mention of her name, Jenna looked up. Sam came into the kitchen, took one look at her face, and froze.

"You're not coming."

Jenna shook her head, and Sam sat down across from her.

"You know, I heard what you told Dean in the hospital room... when he was unconscious. You told him you would leave. What did Dean say through the talking board?"

"He said to stay."

"Exactly."

"But Dean doesn't remember any of that. We haven't said more than two words to each other. And I get it, we're both grieving, and Dean doesn't share. He deals with stuff his own way. Quietly. But... at least you and I can have a conversation. He barely even looks at me. And that's not how we used to be."

"Jenna-"

"You two ready to go?"

Dean entered the room, and Sam stood.

"I'll grab my bag," Sam said.

Dean clapped his hands together. "Come on, Jenna. Grab a bag. We got a case."

"Dean... I'm staying here."

"Look, we may not pass back this way for a while. Don't make me backtrack to pick you up when we're done."

"I'm not asking you to."

"What?"

"Bobby offered me a room here in exchange for helping him out. I'm going to stay."

"You can't stay here."

"Why not?"

"Because."

"Because, what?"

"I'm supposed to look after you. I can't do that if you're here."

Jenna rolled her eyes. "Right. So, I go along and get left in motel rooms, sometimes for days, while you and Sam work a case. Then, when we are together, we'll barely speak to each other. Is that how it's gonna go? Because I'd rather skip it."

"I can't take you on a hunt."

"That's not the-" Jenna stood. "Nevermind. This just confirms my decision. I'll be a phone call away if you or Sam ever need me, but I just can't travel with you anymore."

Jenna was almost to the stairs when Dean spoke.

"You know what... it's actually a relief. I think it's safe to say we've both been pretty miserable together since that night in Chicago. Maybe this is for the best."

"I think so."

"You'll be safe here at Bobby's. Sam and I can call and check on you sometimes."

"And you fulfill your obligation to John."

Dean pulled his lip between his teeth and lowered his head.

"Yeah. That's all it is now, anyway. An obligation. Maybe that's all it ever was."

"You tell yourself that if it makes you feel better."

Jenna walked up the stairs. Dean almost went after her, but Sam came back in from putting his bag in the car.

"Dude, you coming?"

"Yeah. Let's get out of here."


	24. Chapter 24

The sound of screaming and groaning had Jenna running down the stairs. She reached Bobby just in time to see him punch out someone kneeling on the floor. Once the man was out cold, she got a closer look.

"Bobby, what the hell? That's Sam!"

"No, it's not."

Jenna froze. "Is it... Is it a shifter?"

"No. It's Sam, but he's possessed. Help me get him into a chair. He won't be out for long."

Jenna grabbed a chair and put it under the devil's trap on the ceiling while Bobby got some rope. They lifted him up and got him bound tight just before Dean burst into the house. He had his holy water flask in his hand, and his eyes jumped from Bobby to Sam to Jenna. He held Jenna's gaze as he put away the flask, then he looked away.

"Is he okay?" Dean asked.

"If you call being possessed okay, sure, he's great," Bobby said.

"You up for an exorcism?"

"Sure. I'll grab the book."

Jenna noticed the way Dean held his arm close to his body.

"Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine."

"What's with the arm?"

Dean hesitated. "He shot me."

"And that's fine?" She reached for his shirt, but Dean pulled away. "Let me take a look."

"I already had someone patch me up. It's fine. Maybe you should leave while we do this."

"No way. This is Sam."

"It's a demon. Dad wouldn't want you here."

"Yeah, well, John's not here, and I've got three solid months of research under my belt now. I could help."

Dean shook his head. "Stubborn as ever."

"Maybe that wouldn't surprise you if you called, or said more than two words to me when I answer Bobby's phone."

"I'm busy."

"That doesn't stop Sam from calling."

"Sam calls you?"

"Occasionally."

"Why?"

"To talk."

"About what?"

Bobby came back with the book, and Dean got back to business. He slapped Sam across the face to wake him up. The demon took in the situation, and did some verbal sparring with Dean until Dean threw a bucket of holy water on Sam. The demon groaned and screamed as the holy water burned.

"Feel like talking now?" Dean asked.

Sam laughed. "Sure. I'll talk." He looked at Jenna. "Dean dreams about you at night. Calls your name in his sleep."

Jenna froze. Dean threw another bucket of holy water, causing the demon to scream and writhe.

"Don't look at her," Dean said.

"Okay," Sam said, focusing on Dean. "Let's make this even. I told her about you. I'll tell you about her."

"You don't know anything about her."

"Oh, but Sam does. There's all kinds of interesting stuff in his head. She asks about you every time Sam calls her. She wants to know how you're doing; if you're still grieving over John; if you ask about her at all."

"That's enough. Bobby, do it."

Bobby began the exorcism.

"See, whatever bitch-boy master plan you demons are cooking up? You're not getting Sam. You understand me? 'Cause I'm gonna kill every one of you first."

The demon struggled, but then let out a laugh that stopped Bobby in his tracks.

"You really think that's what this is about? The master plan? I don't give a rat's ass about the master plan."

Bobby began the exorcism again, but Sam didn't flinch.

"Oops. Doesn't seem to be working. See, I learned a few new tricks."

He lowered his head and whispered an incantation. The flames in the fireplace grew, and the room began to shake. Bobby checked Sam and saw a mark on his arm; a binding link that kept the demon locked inside Sam's body.

The room kept shaking until the ceiling cracked, breaking the devil's trap.

"There," Sam said. "That's better."

A jerk of his head sent Bobby flying across the room. Another jerk did the same to Dean, in the other direction. Behind Sam, Jenna tried to make her way to check on Bobby, but Sam broke free of his restraints and grabbed her arm. There was no movement from Bobby. Dean rolled around on the floor as Sam pulled Jenna to him.

She struggled against him. "Let me go."

"Dean does leave a trail of broken hearts, doesn't he? The last hunter I saw has an insane crush on him, but he doesn't want her. See, he met her after he met you. Otherwise, he would have been all over her. At least, that's what Sam thinks."

"You're lying."

"Am I? Let's ask Dean."

The demon used the left over rope to tie Jenna to the chair, then walked over to Dean, who was trying to stand. Sam punched him, and he fell back.

"Am I lying, Dean? Would you be all over Jo if it weren't for Jenna."

Dean groaned. "Go to hell."

Sam punched Dean again, and Jenna fought to free herself.

Sam knelt in front of Dean, punching him as he spoke.

"You know when people want to describe the worse possible thing? They say it's like hell. You know there's a reason for that. Hell is like, um... Well, it's like hell. Even for demons. It's a prison, made of bone and flesh and blood and fear. And you sent me back there."

"Meg," Dean snarled as blood dripped from his nose.

"No. Not anymore. Now I'm Sam."

Sam punched him again, then used his thumb to dig into Dean's bullet wound. Jenna struggled against the ropes as Dean groaned, almost crying out in pain, grabbing at Sam's hand.

"By the way," Sam said. "I saw your Dad there. He says 'howdy.'"

Those words made Jenna stop struggling, and Sam's voice faded into the background. John in hell? The demon had to be lying, just trying to push their buttons.

It wasn't until Bobby grabbed Sam's arm and burned a mark across the binding link that Jenna snapped out of her thoughts. With the binding link broken, the demon fled, not waiting around to be exorcised. Sam looked confused as he took in his surroundings.

Dean leaned forward. "Sammy?"

"Did I miss anything?"

Dean punched Sam in the face, then fell over with a groan. Sam grabbed his cheek, still confused.

"Guys," Jenna said, "Can someone get me loose, please?"

Bobby untied Jenna and she ran to Sam, wrapping her arms around him as she knelt next him.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I guess. Still processing."

Bobby helped Dean to his feet and to the table in the kitchen.

"Do you remember anything the demon said to us?" Jenna asked.

Sam shook his head. "I didn't even know I was here."

Jenna nodded. "Come on." She helped him to Bobby's desk, and he sat with a thud. Bobby came into the room and tossed him an ice pack from the first aid kit.

"That'll help with the burn."

"Thanks, Bobby."

Jenna slipped into the kitchen and sat across the table from Dean. He held an ice pack on his face, trying to keep the swelling down.

"Let me see."

Dean removed the ice pack.

"Pretty bad," she said. "And your shoulder is hurting."

She grabbed the first aid kit and grabbed Dean's top shirt to remove it.

"I'm fine."

"Bullshit. Let me help you."

Dean rolled his eyes, but helped her take his shirts off, pulling a grunt from him, until he was in his undershirt. The bandage was soaked with blood. She pulled her chair over and worked on his shoulder.

"Was that demon telling the truth?"

"Demons lie, Jenna."

"I know they do. Was Meg?"

"Why don't you ask Sam? Since you two like to talk so much."

"I'm asking you."

Dean looked away.

"Okay," she said, "I'll go first. Yes, I talk to Sam sometimes. He calls to check on me when you guys have some down time. We talked about John a lot at first... helped each other grieve. It would have been nicer to have someone around physically, but-"

"You were the one who decided to stay here. Don't hand me that crap."

"I know." She smoothed the bandage over Dean's wound. "When the grief over John stopped being so gut-wrenching that I couldn't breath, I started asking about you. I was worried about you."

"Why?"

"You were so close to John... I know what it's like to lose a parent that way, remember?"

Dean nodded.

"Sam told me what John said to you before he died, and about the other people with abilities... I can't even imagine the weight this puts on you, Dean. I wish I could be there to help you carry it."

"You made the choice to stay."

"Even if I had gone with you, would you let me in? All you've done since Chicago is push me away."

"Can you blame me?"

"No... not completely."

"Try not at all."

"I made mistakes, Dean, but you were the one who made it all or nothing. I wanted to stay friends."

Dean shook his head, grabbed the ice pack, and left the room. Jenna sat for a moment, running all the ways their talk could have gone better through her head before she cleaned up. When she got to the other room, Sam and Dean were headed to the door.

"You're leaving?"

"Yeah," Dean said.

"You're both hurt. You should stay the night."

"We've got things to do."

"One night won't hurt, Dean," Sam said. "I know I could use the rest."

Dean glared at him. "Fine."

Dean ended up on a sleeping bag on the floor, but he wasn't sleeping. He stared at the dark ceiling and ran his conversation with Jenna through his head. Just being around her put him on the defensive, and he knew it was wrong. He knew she never meant to hurt him. Had he really wanted her to leave his dad to be with him? What did that say about him? If she had done it, his relationship with John would have changed. Probably not for the better. The guilt he felt when John died would have been even more burdensome.

He closed his eyes and lay perfectly still as someone came down the stairs. The lightness of the steps told him it was Jenna, trying not to wake him or Sam. She got something from the fridge, then all was quiet. Dean waited a moment, then sat up. Jenna was right. He made mistakes, too. Maybe it was time to start fixing them.

He stood in the doorway of the kitchen and watched her pick at the label on a water bottle.

"You always sit in the dark?" he asked.

She didn't turned around. "I was thinking about what Meg said... about John being in hell. She was lying, right?"

Dean sat across the table from her. "No. She wasn't."

"I don't understand. Why is John in hell?"

"He made a deal."

"What? Why?" AS soon as the words were out of her mouth it hit her. "When you were dying. Your miraculous recovery."

"I suspected it. The way dad died..."

"But you don't know for sure."

"A couple months ago I had a crossroads demon in a devil's trap. She confirmed it. Told me all about it."

A tear slipped down Jenna's cheek. She reached out for Dean's hand on top of the table, but pulled back.

"Does Sam know?"

"Yeah," Dean said.

"Why didn't he tell me?"

"He wanted to. I told him not to."

"Why?"

"You were grieving over dad enough. I didn't want to make it worse for you... Didn't want you hate me more than you already do."

Jenna flinched. "I don't hate you. And this wouldn't make me hate you. You didn't kill him, Dean."

"But I'm the reason he's dead."

Jenna took a deep breath. "John loved you."

"He sold his soul to the demon he spent twenty years trying to kill."

"You know... John never expected to come out of this fight alive."

"Yeah, I know. I just didn't think he'd..."

Dean bit his bottom lip and ran a hand over his face.

"That's part of the reason he sent me to you in New Orleans. He wasn't sure he would make it back to me, and he didn't want me alone, wondering what happened to him."

"A lot of good that did."

"It did a lot of good. Dean, we had fun together. We supported each other. I miss that. John told me something once, and it made me a little angry at the time, because I was having all these conflicting emotions with him and you... He said he thought that if he did make it back to me, I would have moved on... with you."

"He said that?"

She nodded. "And he was okay with it. He was always self-conscious about our age difference."

"He actually said to you that it would have been okay if you and I had hooked up while he was missing?"

"More or less."

Dean stood and ran a hand through his hair.

"He wasn't stupid," Jenna said. "He knew something happened between us. He thought we slept together."

"Do you have any idea how much more like crap this makes me feel?"

"That's not why I'm telling you this."

"I wanted you to choose me over him... and he was willing to give you up. I guess the better man won."

Jenna stood face to face with him. "It was never about who was the better man. You and John are so much alike it's ridiculous. Maybe that's why..."

"What?"

"Maybe that's why I fell so hard for you. You were the same caring, brave, bossy, loyal-"

Dean scoffed at that word.

"Yes, Dean. Loyal. Loyal to the point that you started pushing me away. You're also gentle and understanding, when you want to be. You always made me feel safe. Even when you weren't talking to me, I knew you had my back. If I needed you, you would be there. It was never about John being a better man. It was about me not giving in to my attraction to you, because I was already involved with someone else. If we had met another way. If John hadn't been-"

Dean grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her lips to his. He stroked his thumbs over her cheeks as the kiss deepened, and Jenna wrapped her arms around his shoulders. His hands traveled down her sides and slipped under her rear to lift her up onto the table. It wasn't until Dean slipped his hand beneath her shirt that Jenna pulled out of the kiss.

"Dean... wait."

Dean stopped, but didn't move away.

"This is too fast. With everything that's happened between us... Sam's in the next room."

Dean nodded and stood straight, but stayed between her legs and ran his hands up and down her thighs.

"I've wanted you since New Orleans, you know."

Jenna smiled. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't want you then."

"But you were with Dad."

"Right."

He caressed her face and pressed his forehead to hers.

"We should get some sleep," he said.

Jenna nodded and Dean helped her off the table. They stood for a moment, pressed against each other, neither of them wanting the moment to end, until Dean pressed a kiss to her forehead. Jenna sighed.

"Goodnight," she whispered.

"Goodnight."

She went up the stairs, glancing back and smiling at Dean. When she was out of sight, Dean ran a hand through his hair, then lay back down on his sleeping bag. Sleep wouldn't come for a while, but he couldn't fight the small smile that tugged at the corner of his mouth.


	25. Chapter 25

Jenna lay in bed staring at the ceiling. How she had the strength to tell Dean to wait, she didn't know. The moment he kissed her everything felt right again. She'd missed him more than she realized.

As she drifted off to sleep an image of John's smiling face crossed her mind, and she smiled. The grief no longer stopped her from enjoying John's memory. She welcomed it now. But John's face morphed into Dean's and she sat up. Guilt rose up like a knot in her stomach. Was this how he felt when they started? Was this the way he felt like he was cheating on Mary? She ran her hands over her face. John told her to move on. She couldn't let guilt get the better of her. As tragic as John's death was, he prepared her as best as he could. He knew she loved him, and she knew he loved her, but he wanted her to love again.

A soft knock on her door pulled her from her thoughts. She got up and opened the door. Before she could say anything, Dean grabbed her face and pulled her into a hard kiss. She whimpered, but grabbed the front of his shirt with both hands and kissed him back. He backed her into the room and closed the door without pulling away. When his hands roamed down to her hips, Jenna turned her head to catch her breath.

"Dean..."

He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to hers.

"I know you said we should wait, but I was lying there thinking about you and... there's nothing in our way now."

"Dean-"

"If you wanna wait, we'll wait, but I think we've waited long enough."

He pulled her closer, but made no other move to urge her. Jenna ran her fingers over his jaw and trailed them down his neck.

"Why did you have to be so easy to love?" she whispered.

Dean smiled. "It's that Winchester charm."

"You're not kidding."

She trailed her hands down his chest, and he tensed under her touch. When they made eye contact again, Jenna kissed him, giving him all the encouragement he needed. He lifted her into his arms and lay her on the bed.

"I missed you so much," she whispered.

"I missed you, too."

Dean kissed down her neck as his hand slid under her shirt. She buried her fingers in his hair and lifted her leg over his hip. Dean buried his face in her neck.

"Damn, sweetheart. You drive me crazy. Always have."

The term of endearment almost stopped Jenna in her tracks. She pulled Dean's face from her neck and stared at him.

"What?" he said.

She shook her head. "I just want to look at you."

Dean smiled. "Makes it hard to kiss you."

"That's okay. I just need to see your face for a minute."

His eyes searched hers. "You okay?"

"I'm good."

He brushed his thumb over her rib cage.

"You still wanna do this?"

Jenna lifted her head and kissed him, making him grunt. He sat up and pulled off his shirt, and Jenna did the same. As Dean lay her back again, he kissed down her neck and across her collar bone. Jenna ran her fingers along his waist at the edge of his pants.

Part of Jenna wanted to get Dean out of his clothes, but it was overruled by the part of her enjoying Dean's mouth. She knew he was a good kisser, but as his lips caressed the flesh along the cup of her bra, she realized just how talented he was. She wasn't ready for him to stop.

The clothes came off, piece by piece, and Dean lifted Jenna's leg over his hip as he pushed into her. She moaned as their bodies connected, and Dean's lips were back on her neck.

They moved together in perfect sync. Jenna trembled, and Dean slowed his pace. He kissed to her ear, and whispered.

"Better than I ever imagined... and I imagined a lot."

Jenna just whimpered, and it made Dean smile. He looked into her eyes, and she caressed his face.

"Did you think about me at all?"

"Yes."

"Like this?" he said with a thrust of his hips.

"Yes," she moaned.

"Good."

He kissed her again as he picked up his pace, until they were both trembling. Dean rolled onto his side and wrapped Jenna in his arms. Their legs tangled together.

"I knew we would be great," Dean said.

The next morning, Jenna woke first. She buried her face in Dean's neck and pressed her lips to him. He shifted, and Jenna ran her tongue over his skin, making him moan.

"Good morning," she said.

"Morning."

He kissed her forehead and brushed her hair back from her face.

"You doing okay?" he asked.

"I'm great. Haven't slept that good in months. I did get to do something thinking before I fell asleep."

"Hmmm... if you could think straight I didn't do my job."

Jenna laughed, but shoved at his chest.

"Shut up. I'm being serious."

"So am I."

"Dean... I was thinking of what to do next."

"We hit the road."

"Do we?"

"What else is there?"

"We can't just ignore what went wrong between us."

"Dad went wrong."

"No, I went wrong. I let myself fall for two amazing men, and people got hurt."

"You said Dad was okay with it."

"I'm talking about you and me."

Dean ran his hand along her arm.

"None of it's that simple," he said.

"I know. That's why we need time... and some space. That was why I said we should wait. I'm still not over John."

"Will you ever really be?"

"Probably not. But it's still so fresh."

"Yeah."

"So many things still make me think of him. Even some of the things you were doing while-"

"Stop. Let's not go down that road. I've really tried not to think about you and him that way."

"Sorry. I know it's weird."

"Not if I don't think about it."

"The point is, I want to be with you... but I need to work some things out. I need to get to a point where it's me and you. Not me, you, and John's memory."

"So, what, we forget last night happened?"

"Not on your life. Last night was amazing. I just think I should stay with Bobby a while longer."

Dean groaned and sat up. "Are you serious?"

"Very. It's not like we'd be alone on the road every night, anyway."

"No, but we'd be together." Dean lay back down and laced his fingers with Jenna's. "You know what I miss more than anything? Sitting with you and not talking. Just having you next to me was..."

"It was nice. Comfortable."

"I want that back."

"I do, too. I just need a little more time. I'm sorry."

Dean sighed and kissed the back of her hand. "Don't be sorry." He kissed her and pulled back with a contented hum. "I guess the bright side is you'll be safe here. And I'll always know where to find you."

Jenna smiled. "I like that."

Sam couldn't hide his surprise over breakfast, but he made no comment. With everything talked out, the tension between Dean and Jenna was gone.

They stood in the doorway saying goodbye. Sam was already out by the car. Dean had his duffle in one hand, and held Jenna's hand in the other.

"Call me tonight," she said. "If you can."

"I will." Dean smiled. "Don't go falling for someone else while I'm gone. I promise you, I won't be okay with it."

"Are you kidding? You think someone can top a Winchester?"

Dean's smile grew wider.

"Face it," she said. "You're stuck with me."

Sam called out from the car, and Dean yelled back.

"I'll call you tonight. I promise. And I'll be back in a few weeks, come hell or high water."

"I love you, Dean Winchester."

He searched her eyes for a moment before placing a soft kiss to her lips.

"Ditto."


End file.
